Run For The Rose: Help To Eradicate Brain Cancer

God truly gives you what you need EXACTLY when you need it. I've been struggling lately- feeling like I haven't been doing enough to help with cancer awareness and research, research that will one day cure this horrible disease. I happened across a 5k in support of brain cancer research: 'Run For The Rose'. As I started reading more about the story behind the name of the race, I realized I had much more in common with this race than I even realized. The race was founded in 2002, in memory of Dr. Rose- a 28 year old pediatric resident who passed away from Glioblastoma, the same type of brain cancer my Dad fights daily. The mission of the foundation is simple: "To eradicate brain cancer." 

I absolutely hate cancer. But I refuse to allow this horrible disease to do anything to my life except make it better. Each day I realize more and more that we can't control what happens in our lives, but we can control how we react to what happens. I've decided I want to help DO something about this horrible disease, a disease which has greatly impacted my life. I've created a team in 'Run For The Rose'. I hope with continued research, brain cancer and all other types of cancer will no longer be a term which terrifies those diagnosed, and will no longer be a term which can end someone's life too soon. So please join my team and run that day or help support cancer research with a donation. 

So join me in this fight, a fight that spreads far beyond just my Dad, but to the others who are also fighting cancer, and those who have lost this fight. Let's work towards finding a cure that will BTHO cancer!

http://runfortherose.racepartner.com/Run-for-the-rose/bthobraincancer

My Thank You Note

This is my thank you note. A note to thank those of you who have done so much, even when you have felt like it wasn't enough. This note is to make sure every person knows how much we have appreciated your love and support over the last 4 months- love and support that we needed more than we would ever know. 

I have an amazing support system of friends and family- people who have been there through it all, the good and the bad. People who have gone above and beyond their call of duty as a friend to be there for me, and to be there for my Dad- and for that I am so blessed. I have friends who pray and love my Dad not because they know him, but because they know me- friends who love my Dad for one reason and one reason only, they love me. We wouldn't make it without this support system. I wouldn't be as strong as I am, although at times I feel extremely weak, and I wouldn't be as secure in my faith without my support system. God has truly blessed me. 

From phone calls, text messages, Facebook message, emails, preparing dinner, taking Dad to treatment...the list goes on and on, we wouldn't be where we are today without amazing people in our lives, our amazing support system. Please don't think that you haven't done enough- because "just praying" is MORE than enough for us, more than we could ever want or need from friends and family. 

A friend of mine called me Friday afternoon, and by using the term "friend" I would be down playing our relationship, as this girl is more like family, more like a sister, and her phone call just touched me. She's been to family weddings in Brenham, Texas and she was the one who happened to call the day we found out about the tumor- she listened as I cried, she listened as I hurt and questioned God constantly for our new path, she has always listened. She has no idea the love I have for our friendship- a friendship that has moved past randomly meeting in college, to standing by her side at her wedding and proving to me that she is a rare person- a person who goes above and beyond for those that she loves. I'm so blessed. I'm so blessed with countless people like her in my life. People who call, and when I don't answer, understand that I'm just not wanting to talk that day, or people who text me a picture of their bracelet to let me know they are thinking of my Dad- these people have made my world a better place. This friend didn't know that I really needed to talk that day- I'm pretty sure I didn't really know that I needed to talk that day- but she called, she called just to say hi as she was driving to visit her parents, and it was that call, that talk that I needed to have more than ever that day. 

Some days I cry, other days I laugh, and sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions- but each day, each moment, I'm reminded that life is short and days where I get to watch tv, sit on the couch and talk to Dad about his day, remind me that these "little" moments have become BIG moments for me. So thank you, I thank each and every person who reads my blog and listens to me go on and on, each person who prays for Dad, each person who calls or texts, each person who has provided a meal or sent a card, and each person who has been there for us when we have needed it the most. I am blessed, I am blessed beyond what words can write, and everyday I'm constantly blown away by people and their kindness. 

Thank you. Thank you for being the support system that I've needed more than ever in my life, and thank you for loving me, my family and my Dad more than I could ever wish for. 

Faith: Dad Update 2/12/2014

4 months. Looking back, it's amazing how much my life has changed in the last 4 months. I've moved back to Brenham, started a new job, and struggled each and every day with Dad's diagnosis. For some people, it takes years for them to change, years for them to figure out the true meaning of life, and years for them to realize that every day is a gift. But for me, for me it only took 4 short months- actually, for me it only took about 4 short minutes of seeing my Dad on a stretcher, EMS by his side, and blood on the floor. Those 4 minutes changed my life, changed the person I am today, and helped me realize that life is way too short. 

The last 4 months have been filled with struggles. I would be lying if I told you that every day was perfect for me or my family. Each day is a struggle. We each have this unbelievable faith, faith that there is a reason much greater than we can even begin to understand why our family is going through this fight. But each day our faith is tested by our fear of the unknown, our fear of the future. But faith tells me that no matter what lies ahead of me, God is already there. It's so comforting to know that no matter what happens in my life, no matter what path I'm forced down, or what struggles are ahead- I have amazing family, friends, and FAITH to help me get through it all. 

I think "Faith" is MY new word. Faith. It's something I've struggled with my entire life, and something I continue to struggle with daily. I think every Christian would agree that having faith in this higher power much greater than any power here on Earth can be difficult, especially in difficult situations. But man, how wonderful is faith in times of need- in times when you feel the most alone, to know you are never truly alone. 

How many people can say their lives have changed so drastically in 4 months, much less 4 minutes? Is this struggle and difficult time something I wanted or something I planned in my life? Absolutely not. But how wonderful that God picked MY family to go through this struggle- MY family to grow closer to one another and to him. We are blessed.

Dad is finally feeling better after his last round of chemo, and I truly love coming home to him and hearing about his day. His next round of chemo is coming up more quickly than I would like, although I continue to pray the chemo is working to suppress any cancer growth, and I pray this next round is kinder to his body. I have been working with the speech therapist to have Dad working more with the iPad for his speech therapy, and he seems to really enjoy it! His speech is getting there- slowly but surely! 

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. Dad's diagnosis and fight has already given me an extraordinary destiny. From the outside looking in, the outcome may not look 'extraordinary', but from the inside looking out I'm so thankful of the person I've already become because of his fight. I've come to realize that none of us can do anything about the length of our lives, but we can do something about it's width and depth. 

Update 2/2/2014: The Fight Is Far From Over

I feel like every day since Dad's diagnosis I've been blown away by the kindness of people. Dad's fight is far from over, as if you were to research his type of brain cancer (Glioblastoma Multiforme), the statistics and description would shock and terrify you. Glioblastoma: The Most Aggressive Type of Brain Tumor. It's a description that I think about daily. It's a description that I wish would go away. But, as much as this description terrifies me, as much as the statistics give me anxiety about the future, it's been people who have helped to keep me level during this experience.

Dad's news of remission traveled fast- as I couldn't type a status quick enough on Facebook to let everyone know our results, and I sure couldn't type fast enough to send out a mass text message to almost every person in my phone. I've been stopped so many times by people to congratulate Dad on his news and I've been stopped so many times by people who just want me to tell Dad they asked about him. To know my Dad has had this impact on people, so much of an impact that people go out of their way to ask about him or talk to me about him, means the world to me. Not everyone in my family handles this situation the same- as I am extremely open about our struggles, our fight and our triumphs. Being this open means my friends and family have seen me at my best and have seen me at my worst. Every day is a struggle. Every day I wake up hoping Dad had a good night and every day I continue to pray for Dad to continue fighting and strength for Mom. 

A former teacher of mine was at a wedding shower recently and was asking what I was doing, where I was living, etc. This teacher had a huge impact on my life- as she was someone I always looked up to, and someone I greatly respected. I was talking with her and mentioned something about my Dad- she had no idea. But her response was perfect, she didn't apologize for Dad's diagnosis, she didn't give me a hug and give me pity, she looked at me and said, "I feel terrible. I feel terrible because I have not been praying for your Dad." I just smiled and said, "You can start today."

The road ahead is long. The road ahead is filled with highs and lows, good and bad days, and a lot of unknown. There is no "good" type of cancer, but there are days where I struggle with understanding why this type was given to my Dad. A type of cancer which is as bad as this type is. Brain cancer is not genetic. Brain cancer just "happens" (or so I've read). I've been struggling lately with trying to understand the why. This struggle comes with me trying to understand why I question these "bad" moments, yet just embrace the "good" moments? It's really these "bad" moments, which have turned into good moments, good moments of things happening in God's perfect timing. 

God's timing is perfect. He perfectly orchestrated Dad's diagnosis. Some people don't know this, but on October 4, 2013 I accepted a position at Texas A&M System Internal Audit department and gave my current employer my 2 weeks notice. I had been living in Austin, Texas and not enjoying my time there- and I knew it was time for me to look for a new job and a new location. A girl at Texas A&M took a chance on a random email and gave my resume to the director- to this day I will forever be thankful for God's hand in this process. Dad and I enjoyed a drink Friday night to celebrate my new job and discussed me moving back home until my lease was up in Austin (which was January 2014). The plans for me to return home had already been made, and my plans to live at home were already decided. On October 5, 2013, Dad had a seizure in our kitchen, which was caused by the brain tumor. God's plan is far greater than I can imagine, far greater than I can even try to understand, and far greater than I need to understand. All I know is his timing is perfect. He has placed people in my life (including an amazing co-worker who took a chance) that have truly changed my life.

Dad's fight continues. Dad struggles daily with speech and getting back to his "old self". I was so proud that he was able to mow the yard on Saturday- something he hasn't done since before October. He is slowly getting there, and I continue to pray the scan in 8 weeks will show continued improvement.  

My daily devotional is nothing short of amazing. It always feels like it was written just for me on that day. "You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you're going to scale those heights...you tell me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead. But you don't know what will happen today, much less tomorrow...If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence. Walk by faith, not by sight..."

Struggling daily to walk by faith and not by sight. There are moments I fail, although I continue to find the blessings in this experience and continue to be thankful for every day I get to spend with my Dad. 

No One Fights Alone

Coming off of Dad's appointment on Monday, the entire family was full of smiles. It was an unusual feeling, a small sense of relief (at least for the time being) since October. Although I was quickly brought back down to reality when a friend gave me the news that his mom's lung cancer had returned in her spine. My heart sank. 

It doesn't feel fair. To me it's not fair that God chose my Dad and my family for our journey, and it doesn't seem fair that God chose my friend, his family and his mom for their journey. It may not be "fair", but I know that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.  And thankfully on this journey my family has not been alone, and I know his family will not be alone either. I have been so blessed for this journey to be filled with so many people praying for my Dad, that I ask for those on my journey to continue to pray for Dad and my friend's Mom. I wear my Dad's bracelet every day, and every day I'm reminded that "No One Fights Alone." We are all in this together. During Dad's treatment and day to day, we could feel the power of prayer- and my friend's family needs to feel the power of prayer more than ever. 

Our journey in life isn't fair- it's filled with extremely difficult moments, where we hit our lowest of lows but also experience our highest of highs. But life is all about maneuvering through these times, appreciating the lowest of lows, and never taking for granted the highest of highs. 

Last night I sat and watched tv with Dad and realized this was the first time in a long I wasn't stressed and thinking too far into the future, or extremely concerned about his next scan (which is only 8 weeks away). I realized I was finally living in the present, and it felt good. 

Dad Update 1/28/2014: Remission

Remission. A word I wasn't expecting to hear yesterday at my Dad's MRI appointment. Remission. 

To say I'm overwhelmed with joy to hear the news that Dad's MRI looked great, with no signs of residual tumor, is a complete understatement. I'm on cloud 9. I went into the appointment expecting to hear the worst, but hoping for the best- and of course Mom kept telling me, "It will be good, I just know it." Her faith still impresses me daily.

But to also say that this journey is done is far from the truth, as the road ahead is still very long. The MRI's will not end, nor will the maintenance chemo pills Dad will need to take for a good while longer- maybe even the rest of his life. 

The type of brain cancer Dad is fighting is extremely aggressive and, I've always heard, it's not a matter of if it will come back- but a matter of when. I'm praying for Dad to be the exception. 

Dad was told yesterday that he will no longer need to attend speech therapy weekly- which is great news, as Dad has come so far! We are now working with another speech therapist to do more of his therapy via apps on an iPad. This is a HUGE learning curve for Dad- as we all know, he isn't much into technology. But, if this means less trips to College Station and more independence for him, he is ALL for it. 

Dad will start the chemo maintenance pills this week and in another 8 weeks will have another MRI. We all keep praying the chemo continues to work and Dad's speech continues to get better each and every day. 


I know I've said this many times in other posts, but our family has been so extremely blessed throughout this entire process. We have been blessed with a close knit family, who have gone out of their way to pray, help take Dad to treatment, provide a meal, or just visit Dad during the week. I could not imagine not having my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents with us on this journey. They have been the shoulder to lean on when times were extremely difficult and the ones we called with good news. We have also been blessed with an amazing support system of friends. Many of my friends have caught me at my lowest of lows- especially hearing news of the tumor and the type of tumor- and have also been there with me as I've celebrated huge milestones in Dad's fight. And we have also been blessed with an extremely understanding work environment for Dad. His co-workers have gone above and beyond to provide meals and just be understanding of Dad's condition and ability to not return to work at this time. 

The journey ahead is still long and filled with many unknowns, but with continued prayers and thoughts I know Dad can continue to improve! Thank you again for all of your support and prayers during this time for me and my family- we have truly felt the love!

Another Week- Dad Update 1/19/2014

Another week at home and I can see so much progress with Dad, even if he can't. His speech and physical strength is getting better and everyday I feel like we are getting closer to Dad being back to his old self. His last appointment with the Neurosurgeon went well and his anti-seizure medication was reduced, which is a huge blessing as this medication always made him tired and just out of it. The Neurosurgeon was pleased with dad's progress and reminded dad that any surgery takes time to heal, especially brain surgery! I think Dad needs to hear it from the doctor's mouth sometimes instead of mine- but I don't blame him, I literally know nothing about the medical world! 

Dad is being his usual self- worried about work, insurance, bills, etc. But good thing he paid for a great education for his accountant daughter! We have been so blessed with his work being understanding and great insurance! A huge financial burden would only add more stress to the situation, and I think we have enough stress. 

I don't think I say it enough that my parents are my rock. There is no way I would be as strong as I am, or able to talk so freely about the situation without them. There are times when I break down and cry and think about the future- but I realized when you're depressed you're living in the past, when you're anxious you're living in the future, but when you're doing ok, you're living in the present. And right now, the present seems pretty good! 

I honestly can not praise this devotional I read daily- "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young enough. 
"Learn to trust me when things go 'wrong'...Trusting acceptance of trails brings blessings that far outweigh them all... Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep...Together we can make it!"

Leaning on my faith and my parents seems to help the fear and the anxiety, and I wonder daily how people without faith and a support system make it through challenging times like these. Praying for continued strength and progress with Dad.  Thanks for all the kind words and prayers- words can not tell you all how much we appreciate it!