October 5th hits us pretty hard each year. As that was the day Dad had his seizure...where we left the hospital with more questions than answers...where we had not even the slightest clue the journey we had ahead.
We celebrate this day as Dad's cancer-versary. It's a day that 5 years ago I wasn't sure how many of these we would get to celebrate. Or how many Father's days, or Christmas mornings...all those holidays that first year looked like our last.
And now, after lots of Christmas mornings, and Father's day celebrations, birthdays and anniversaries- we sit here FIVE years later, knowing that we've beat each and every statistic that's been placed against Dad.
His last MRI was on Tuesday, with our results on Wednesday- the MRI indicated that the "spot" everyone was worried was cancer growth, was actually getting smaller- meaning it was NOT cancer, but instead a stroke that was dissolving itself. Talk about some pretty great cancer-versary news!
Our appointment that day was over 2 hours past when we scheduled it...which could have been pretty frustrating...but...
I always make my Sunday School kids tell me their "rose" and "thorn" of the week- with them having to tell me how they saw God in BOTH of these moments. I remind them that it's pretty easy to see God in our "rose" moments, but often it's tough to see Him in the "thorn". Well, here's how we saw God in our "thorn"...
We sat there for 2 hours, waiting somewhat patiently for the news. And once we received the news and heard the WHY in the delay in our appointment I realized something...the delay was because we are lucky enough to have a doctor and staff that are Dad's advocates for the BEST care possible. They don't rely on family members to argue with insurance companies or radiologist- demanding the best care, demanding better answers- they instead take it upon themselves to advocate on our behalf. So I'll take those two hours of waiting, knowing that Dr. Fleener is fighting for the patient in the next room, just as hard as she is fighting for my Dad.
There's a lot to be said about Dad beating this "deadliest form of brain cancer" now for FIVE years- and there's a lot that has gone into these last five years. And I'm going to do my best to share each and every aspect that has made us successful.
First and foremost, it is Dad's unbelievable faith in Jesus Christ. His faith has strengthened mine in ways that he can't even begin to imagine. I have never seen someone look at death straight in the eyes, and instead of being fearful and worried- he went forward, leaning on his faith, and his family to help him through each day.
And I think all tied together would be the countless prayers of those that know Dad personally- and those that only know him through his wife or kids. I remember our pastor at the time telling us- ASK for prayers, have so many prayers going up that God says "Ok ok, I get it, y'all are praying for Larry." Have Him overwhelmed with prayer. And that's EXACTLY what has happened.
With these prayers comes an unbelievable group of people supporting us. From meals that were delivered to our house throughout his intense treatment- to cards in the mail, just letting Dad know that someone is thinking about him- to the phone calls and text messages- we have felt the love.
And faith, friends, and prayers are all incredibly important- but so is a good medical team. There is something to be said about a Cancer Clinic & Neurosurgeon office that makes you feel so loved and so very cared for each time you have an appointment. They've become our extended family, as we know there is no way we could have done all we've done these last 5 years without their love and support throughout it all.
We celebrate these FIVE incredible years appreciating each and every moment- from the BIG celebrations, to your average Tuesday night- each is a reminder of how lucky we truly are in this big fight. Dad's speech isn't perfect, and sometimes his short term memory has us all repeating things a couple of times- but we are exactly where God wanted us on this journey. We've become closer as a family in every possible way. We've learned that the plan we had for this life isn't turning out to be exactly what we thought it would be, but we've taken it all in as His perfect plan- one that we can't even begin to imagine or comprehend. I have learned in these last five years that there is purpose in pain, and that through some of our biggest "thorns" in life, there is true joy that can be seen- it's just sometimes you have to look a little harder.
We have seen God work in an unbelievable way through Dad, and I thank Him each and every day for carrying me through some of my darkest of days. God and I talked many of nights, where I doubted His journey for us, His strength, and my faith- and each time I shared my doubt, He found a way to lift me up in a way that I sometimes couldn't comprehend.
Some may ask how your faith can get stronger through some of the most difficult days of your life- but I always ask back, how could it not?
Thank you all for the continued thoughts and prayers- and thank you for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
Friday, October 5, 2018
Friday, August 24, 2018
MRI Update. 8/24/2018
Yesterday my devotional read:
"When tests and challenges come at you from all sides, consider it a joyful opportunity....Instead of being overwhelmed by all the difficulties, grasp My hand with confident trust...One of the hardest part of dealing with multiple trials is waiting for their resolution. Since patience is part of the Spirit's fruit, He can help you endure the waiting. Don't try to get out of hard times prematurely. Instead, persevere patiently, knowing that perseverance must finish its work- making you mature and complete."
Yesterday was a long, and exhausting, day filled with appointments with our oncologist and neurosurgeon. And at the end of the day, we don't know a whole lot.
The good news- the area of concern from the last MRI did not change- which would typically indicate that this is not a glioblastoma or melanoma, as both these cancers tend to grow quickly. But it still doesn't tell us what it really is that's going on in Dad's brain. Dad's neurosurgeon was happy to see there was no change, but has not ruled out that this could be a slow growing tumor, or radiation damage, or just the way Dad's brain looks now post everything that's happened to him. He said, "If it were my Dad, I would wait it out- do another MRI and see if it tells us more."
So that's what we are going to do. Wait.
And that's where that devotional from yesterday comes in..."...He can help endure the waiting. Don't try to get out of hard times prematurely."
We will schedule another MRI in about 6 weeks and re-evaluate our next steps.
I am so thankful that Dad continues to feel well, and has not been experiencing any symptoms of re-growth, but I am also very realistic in our journey- we were always told it was a matter of WHEN the tumor returns, never IF. It will be difficult these next six weeks trying to patiently wait, with the back of my mind analyzing every headache, every speech difficulty....it will be difficult just not knowing what exactly is going on.
We feel as confident as we can feel with our plan, as we trust our amazing team of medical doctors 100%. Dad is living proof that there is clearly a hand in all this that is much greater than any doctor or treatment, and I'm working so hard on trusting this plan with Him.
I can't thank each of you enough for the countless prayers throughout the last (almost!) five years. We've been on an incredible journey, and we pray that the journey continues on- that this is just a small bump and whatever this is that is showing up on the MRI is truly nothing!
And I also can't thank our medical team enough for their countless support- Dr. Fleener and the entire staff at the Cancer Clinic have become family to us all. We trust Dr. Fleener with every aspect of Dad's treatment, and I can't imagine having any other doctor with us on this journey. And Dr. White without a doubt saved my Dad's life almost five years ago during surgery- and the second surgery. We are so thankful for this incredible team to help us manage all that life's thrown our way.
Thank you all for the prayers- keep them coming!- and thank you for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
"When tests and challenges come at you from all sides, consider it a joyful opportunity....Instead of being overwhelmed by all the difficulties, grasp My hand with confident trust...One of the hardest part of dealing with multiple trials is waiting for their resolution. Since patience is part of the Spirit's fruit, He can help you endure the waiting. Don't try to get out of hard times prematurely. Instead, persevere patiently, knowing that perseverance must finish its work- making you mature and complete."
Yesterday was a long, and exhausting, day filled with appointments with our oncologist and neurosurgeon. And at the end of the day, we don't know a whole lot.
The good news- the area of concern from the last MRI did not change- which would typically indicate that this is not a glioblastoma or melanoma, as both these cancers tend to grow quickly. But it still doesn't tell us what it really is that's going on in Dad's brain. Dad's neurosurgeon was happy to see there was no change, but has not ruled out that this could be a slow growing tumor, or radiation damage, or just the way Dad's brain looks now post everything that's happened to him. He said, "If it were my Dad, I would wait it out- do another MRI and see if it tells us more."
So that's what we are going to do. Wait.
And that's where that devotional from yesterday comes in..."...He can help endure the waiting. Don't try to get out of hard times prematurely."
We will schedule another MRI in about 6 weeks and re-evaluate our next steps.
I am so thankful that Dad continues to feel well, and has not been experiencing any symptoms of re-growth, but I am also very realistic in our journey- we were always told it was a matter of WHEN the tumor returns, never IF. It will be difficult these next six weeks trying to patiently wait, with the back of my mind analyzing every headache, every speech difficulty....it will be difficult just not knowing what exactly is going on.
We feel as confident as we can feel with our plan, as we trust our amazing team of medical doctors 100%. Dad is living proof that there is clearly a hand in all this that is much greater than any doctor or treatment, and I'm working so hard on trusting this plan with Him.
I can't thank each of you enough for the countless prayers throughout the last (almost!) five years. We've been on an incredible journey, and we pray that the journey continues on- that this is just a small bump and whatever this is that is showing up on the MRI is truly nothing!
And I also can't thank our medical team enough for their countless support- Dr. Fleener and the entire staff at the Cancer Clinic have become family to us all. We trust Dr. Fleener with every aspect of Dad's treatment, and I can't imagine having any other doctor with us on this journey. And Dr. White without a doubt saved my Dad's life almost five years ago during surgery- and the second surgery. We are so thankful for this incredible team to help us manage all that life's thrown our way.
Thank you all for the prayers- keep them coming!- and thank you for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
A Slight Update On Dad 8/14/2018
Okay, I have slight update on Dad. As always, I like to keep you all in the loop as we continue on this crazy ride...
Literally the same week we found out about Dad's brain tumor in 2013, we were told he also had melanoma on his face- literally near his tumor location. We dealt with the brain tumor first, and then we tackled the melanoma. A quick trip to the plastic surgeon, and we received "all clear". Dad's been visiting the dermatologist every 6 months for full body checks- which if you know me, you know why I STRESS these types of visits to everyone! Family history of melanoma means you're twice as likely to be diagnosed!
Fast forward to our last MRI and this "brain lesion", where we thought it could be Glioblastoma or a stroke....all of us completely forgetting about this melanoma diagnosis almost five years ago. I literally woke up one morning and thought- could this be melanoma on the brain? But before making any calls to our oncologist, I checked with the nurses in my family first, as I told them, "Not sure if this is a dumb question..."
Turns out, it wasn't.
Melanoma can appear like a "brain lesion" when moving to the brain. Hearing that from our oncologist made my heart sink. We scheduled a PET scan to rule out melanoma- and honestly I'm not sure what is worse, melanoma that has spread to the brain, or another glioblastoma.
We received preliminary PET scan reports last Friday, which did not indicate anything negative on the report, with our oncologist confirming Monday that there is no evidence of cancer anywhere on PET scan- only decreased metabolism on the left side of brain (but that is typically from radiation and surgery).
We were so relieved.
So now, we wait a little bit more- with an MRI next week, followed by appointments with both our oncologist and neurosurgeon. With each day that passes of Dad not showing any physical signs of tumor growth (slurred speech, headaches, right side weakness, etc) is a positive sign that the lesion is from an old stroke. Right now, we can't tell of anything Dad is doing physically that would indicate growth.
On August 18th we will celebrate Dad's birthday. We are so thankful for each and every day with Dad. He's strong, faithful, and above all, an amazing dad. He loves his family filled with girls (okay, and now some son in laws!), and thinks the world of his grand babies (and they do the same!). He's shown us all what it means to truly slow down and appreciate the little things in life.
We look forward to celebrating this birthday, and many more in Dad's future.
Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers, and thank you all for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
Literally the same week we found out about Dad's brain tumor in 2013, we were told he also had melanoma on his face- literally near his tumor location. We dealt with the brain tumor first, and then we tackled the melanoma. A quick trip to the plastic surgeon, and we received "all clear". Dad's been visiting the dermatologist every 6 months for full body checks- which if you know me, you know why I STRESS these types of visits to everyone! Family history of melanoma means you're twice as likely to be diagnosed!
Fast forward to our last MRI and this "brain lesion", where we thought it could be Glioblastoma or a stroke....all of us completely forgetting about this melanoma diagnosis almost five years ago. I literally woke up one morning and thought- could this be melanoma on the brain? But before making any calls to our oncologist, I checked with the nurses in my family first, as I told them, "Not sure if this is a dumb question..."
Turns out, it wasn't.
Melanoma can appear like a "brain lesion" when moving to the brain. Hearing that from our oncologist made my heart sink. We scheduled a PET scan to rule out melanoma- and honestly I'm not sure what is worse, melanoma that has spread to the brain, or another glioblastoma.
We received preliminary PET scan reports last Friday, which did not indicate anything negative on the report, with our oncologist confirming Monday that there is no evidence of cancer anywhere on PET scan- only decreased metabolism on the left side of brain (but that is typically from radiation and surgery).
We were so relieved.
So now, we wait a little bit more- with an MRI next week, followed by appointments with both our oncologist and neurosurgeon. With each day that passes of Dad not showing any physical signs of tumor growth (slurred speech, headaches, right side weakness, etc) is a positive sign that the lesion is from an old stroke. Right now, we can't tell of anything Dad is doing physically that would indicate growth.
On August 18th we will celebrate Dad's birthday. We are so thankful for each and every day with Dad. He's strong, faithful, and above all, an amazing dad. He loves his family filled with girls (okay, and now some son in laws!), and thinks the world of his grand babies (and they do the same!). He's shown us all what it means to truly slow down and appreciate the little things in life.
We look forward to celebrating this birthday, and many more in Dad's future.
Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers, and thank you all for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
Is Vacation Bible School for the kids or the leaders? Dad Update 8/1/2018
There's not much of an update on Dad, except that he continues to feel well, and has no physical signs of any tumor growth. Each day that passes with no physical symptoms is a very encouraging sign that this little "blimp" on the MRI is in fact an old stroke.
This week our family (minus Dad!) has been thrown into Vacation Bible School at our church. I attended each and every year as a child, and I've been bringing my nephew for the last two years. This year both sisters, their three kids, Mom and I are all volunteering- and let me tell you, exhausted we are after each night! But it's been pretty amazing to watch God in each of these kids- makes the busy evenings seem completely worth it!
Part of my rotation involves me asking kids various questions and sharing different stories on specific topics- we talk about everything from being lonely and struggling, to worrying.
Monday's lesson was all about worrying. Talk about a total God moment for me! We kept having the kids say, "When you worry...Jesus Rescues!" I shared this message four different times, and each time thinking to myself how this was absolutely God's way of sending a message to ME. How He put me in that exact rotation so I could read these words over and over again:
"No matter what you're facing- or what you're worried about- remember, when you worry...Jesus rescues! Jesus knows everything that's going on in your life. Nothing is a surprise to him. So you really don't have to worry about anything. But if you do, he understands and helps you."
Such simple words. Simple words meant for a child to understand, but these simple words were exactly what my heart needed to hear.
I have been so weighed down by all the "what ifs" that we have ahead, and questioning our journey and how far we've come- but thankfully those simple words brought me back right where I needed to be. My heart, and my head, focused back on this journey with Him.
Because when I worried, He did truly rescue. He brought my thoughts filled with doubt and concern, fear and worry, back to a place where they needed to be- back to thoughts filled with faith and hope, joy and trust.
Still a couple more days of Vacation Bible School left for us, and I'm anxious to see how God plans to work even more in my heart- and in the hearts of each of the little ones in attendance. I find these moments where the exact words you need to hear come to you in the most simple form- you can't help but realize that God has his hand in it all.
Thank you all for the love and prayers you've sent our way since we received the not so wonderful news. I pray that I can come back here and share with you all wonderful news for Dad's next MRI.
This week our family (minus Dad!) has been thrown into Vacation Bible School at our church. I attended each and every year as a child, and I've been bringing my nephew for the last two years. This year both sisters, their three kids, Mom and I are all volunteering- and let me tell you, exhausted we are after each night! But it's been pretty amazing to watch God in each of these kids- makes the busy evenings seem completely worth it!
Part of my rotation involves me asking kids various questions and sharing different stories on specific topics- we talk about everything from being lonely and struggling, to worrying.
Monday's lesson was all about worrying. Talk about a total God moment for me! We kept having the kids say, "When you worry...Jesus Rescues!" I shared this message four different times, and each time thinking to myself how this was absolutely God's way of sending a message to ME. How He put me in that exact rotation so I could read these words over and over again:
"No matter what you're facing- or what you're worried about- remember, when you worry...Jesus rescues! Jesus knows everything that's going on in your life. Nothing is a surprise to him. So you really don't have to worry about anything. But if you do, he understands and helps you."
Such simple words. Simple words meant for a child to understand, but these simple words were exactly what my heart needed to hear.
I have been so weighed down by all the "what ifs" that we have ahead, and questioning our journey and how far we've come- but thankfully those simple words brought me back right where I needed to be. My heart, and my head, focused back on this journey with Him.
Because when I worried, He did truly rescue. He brought my thoughts filled with doubt and concern, fear and worry, back to a place where they needed to be- back to thoughts filled with faith and hope, joy and trust.
Still a couple more days of Vacation Bible School left for us, and I'm anxious to see how God plans to work even more in my heart- and in the hearts of each of the little ones in attendance. I find these moments where the exact words you need to hear come to you in the most simple form- you can't help but realize that God has his hand in it all.
Thank you all for the love and prayers you've sent our way since we received the not so wonderful news. I pray that I can come back here and share with you all wonderful news for Dad's next MRI.
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Another Update 7/25/2018
I can't say enough wonderful things about Dr. Fleener and our experience at the Cancer Clinic. It's been less than 24 hours of receiving our not so wonderful news, and we've already received a phone call and game plan going forward.
Our Neurosurgeon also can not confirm exactly what this is that showed up on Dad's MRI- but he does NOT think it looks like a glioma (PRAISE!). We will follow up with another MRI and appointments with both Dr. Fleener & Dr. White in a month. Until then, we wait. Y'all know how patient I am, so this should be fun.
For every day that passes with Dad not having any symptoms is a GREAT sign, as although it is uncommon to have a stroke in that particular part of the brain, it's even more uncommon for this to be another type of cancer that is showing up.
As we left the Cancer Clinic yesterday we saw a painted sign that said, "Family, Faith & Fleener"- we all laughed and agreed.
There is something to be said about this "little" clinic that we've been visiting for over 4.5 years- we are treated like family, and that has meant the world to us.
So prayer warriors, here comes your turn to show this cancer again what you've got- we've got one month filled with so much anxiety and stress as we wait to see what's going on, so I ask for prayers of comfort, strength, and for whatever this is to show no signs of growth- heck, let it disappear!
Thank you all for all the love and prayers you've sent since we received the news, we've felt it and Dad has too!
Quick Dad Update 7/24/2018
Well, the 45 minute drive back from College Station was filled with lots of tears, prayers, and trying to figure exactly how I would share with everyone the latest on Dad, so here we go....
Dad had his 4 month MRI and we were told there have been changes- a small 1 cm spot has appeared. A change so small that our oncologist and the radiologist isn’t able to determine exactly what it is- the debate is between tumor growth or the result of a stroke. I’ve never prayed so hard for a stroke in my life. Thankfully, we’ve got an incredible group of doctors working together to figure what they think this is and our next steps. So now, we wait- hopefully to hear something no later than tomorrow afternoon to determine what we should do next.
This is far from ideal, but if I’ve learned anything here last 4.5 years is this journey has involved many ups and downs- and no matter what we’ve been up against we’ve been able to handle it together. I have no doubt this same little bump will be the same. It’s almost too perfect that this page- full of stars and underlines- was my devotional for today:
“You are looking ahead at uncertainties, letting them unnerve you...yet I am always with you, holding you by your right hand...do not fear, for I am with you. I will strengthen you and help you...”
Asking for a few extra prayers as we figure out our next steps. Like I tell myself before each MRI, whatever it is, we can figure it out. And I know this time will be no exception.
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Life Update. 6/26/2018
Okay, I know...I've been terrible with updates on this little blog. So I'll try to catch everyone up!
Dad has continued to live life- he helps mow grass, work in the garden, and watch his grandbabies- they are all growing up WAY too fast! He is still off all treatment!
In May we celebrated Reid turning ONE, and this past weekend we celebrated Hallie's 2nd birthday. They are all into just about everything, which keeps us all busy. And Dad loves having those little ones around!
We have our next MRI scheduled for the end of July, which will make it 4 months since our last MRI. And although Dad is not showing any typical signs of the tumor returning, it still is a very stressful day...heck, the weeks leading up to the MRI is also pretty darn stressful.
I remind myself that TODAY Dad does not have cancer. And looking too far ahead will just give me those knots in my stomach and worry in my mind- and I'm working so very hard to not have any of that!
We are hoping that if all is good on his next MRI, we will go 6 months between MRI's. That is the plan if all is good...gosh I'm praying all is good!
Dad is now over 4.5 YEARS post diagnosis, and we plan to celebrate BIG in October for his 5 YEAR cancer-versary.
Just today I watched an update on the Polio virus being used to treat brain cancer, and I sat in awe of how far treatment has come in just these last 4 years. We are so blessed that we are making such great strides, so that IF the tumor returns, we have more options for Dad's treatment. Options give us HOPE in this battle.
The clinical trial increases the survival rate of three years or longer from 4% of patients, to 21%. That's HUGE!
Which also gives me chills to see that statistic, as Dad has beat those odds, and is literally in the 4% of people with this diagnosis. It reminds me how incredibly blessed we are. Dad is truly a miracle.
As always, we are so blessed with an amazing medical staff helping us each step of the way- The Cancer Clinic and Dr. Fleener's team of nurses & staff have made our journey one that is filled with so much hope! And we are so blessed with this incredible group of friends & family that have continued to lift Dad up in prayer- we are so very aware that it's a BIG reason why he is still here today.
Like I've said before- when science and medicine can't explain why someone is here, how can you not believe?
Thank you all for walking on this journey with us, and thank you for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
Dad has continued to live life- he helps mow grass, work in the garden, and watch his grandbabies- they are all growing up WAY too fast! He is still off all treatment!
In May we celebrated Reid turning ONE, and this past weekend we celebrated Hallie's 2nd birthday. They are all into just about everything, which keeps us all busy. And Dad loves having those little ones around!
We have our next MRI scheduled for the end of July, which will make it 4 months since our last MRI. And although Dad is not showing any typical signs of the tumor returning, it still is a very stressful day...heck, the weeks leading up to the MRI is also pretty darn stressful.
I remind myself that TODAY Dad does not have cancer. And looking too far ahead will just give me those knots in my stomach and worry in my mind- and I'm working so very hard to not have any of that!
We are hoping that if all is good on his next MRI, we will go 6 months between MRI's. That is the plan if all is good...gosh I'm praying all is good!
Dad is now over 4.5 YEARS post diagnosis, and we plan to celebrate BIG in October for his 5 YEAR cancer-versary.
Just today I watched an update on the Polio virus being used to treat brain cancer, and I sat in awe of how far treatment has come in just these last 4 years. We are so blessed that we are making such great strides, so that IF the tumor returns, we have more options for Dad's treatment. Options give us HOPE in this battle.
The clinical trial increases the survival rate of three years or longer from 4% of patients, to 21%. That's HUGE!
Which also gives me chills to see that statistic, as Dad has beat those odds, and is literally in the 4% of people with this diagnosis. It reminds me how incredibly blessed we are. Dad is truly a miracle.
As always, we are so blessed with an amazing medical staff helping us each step of the way- The Cancer Clinic and Dr. Fleener's team of nurses & staff have made our journey one that is filled with so much hope! And we are so blessed with this incredible group of friends & family that have continued to lift Dad up in prayer- we are so very aware that it's a BIG reason why he is still here today.
Like I've said before- when science and medicine can't explain why someone is here, how can you not believe?
Thank you all for walking on this journey with us, and thank you for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
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