Dad Update 4/28/2014

Weddings seem to be a bit bitter sweet to me now. A big part of me is so excited for my friends as they marry the man of their dreams, a big part of me is so happy to be part of such a huge event in their life, and a big part of me has an amazing time celebrating with others. But there is a little part of me, a little part of me that feels sad. It's hard for someone who's Dad is diagnosed with a type of cancer that is so aggressive, a type of cancer that (statistically) is just horrible, it's just hard to watch so many Father-Daughter moments that my other friends experience, and I fear I won't be able to. I don't want pity, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me at weddings or for anyone to feel sorry for me (or my family) at all- it's just a constant thought for me, a constant thought that makes me realize how precious life truly is. And although I'm not sure of the future, I do know this- I've been given a gift. I've been given this gift of precious time, moments where I have appreciated the moment at that exact point in time, moments were I've been able to remember every detail because I understand the extent of how precious it truly is. I will never have to look back at my life with any regret, and that is such an amazing gift that God has given me. 

I had just watched my best friend walk down the isle with her Dad, and tears streamed down my face. These tears were mixed emotions- on one hand my best friend looked absolutely beautiful and I was just so incredibly happy for her, as she deserves all the happiness in the world, and on the other hand I couldn't help but think if I would experience that moment with my Dad. I thought about Dad constantly this weekend and wondered if he was feeling well- but I always tell Mom that no news is good news, so not hearing from them must mean things were going good in Brenham. But they weren't, things were not going good in Brenham, they were going great.

Right as I sat down for dinner, across from the bride's family, a family that has also become my second family, I got a text message from Mom and my heart sank- was this bad news? And then I read the message: "Hope all is well- just have to tell you, your Dad grilled tonight and it was awesome. God is good!"

God is truly good. Dad hasn't grilled or wanted to grill since October, and Dad has always loved to grill. My heart was so full of joy after reading that text message, life was becoming a bit more normal at our house and it was so comforting. 

Dad has been feeling good lately- very few headaches, his speech has been almost perfect, his memory getting better daily, and his strength is slowly coming back- we are so incredibly blessed. On Friday Dad finished a round of chemo, which means the dreaded week after chemo has started, although we all continue to pray that his headaches continue to decrease, his appetite stays strong, and his strength continues to improve daily. 

We have not noticed any additional side effects of the small bleed that was noticed during his last MRI, although Dr. Fleener still wants to do a CAT scan on Tuesday, just to be sure. Dad will also be getting another round of Avastin, as we continue to pray the treatment is breaking down the tumor and stopping any growth. 

Life is so precious. So many precious memories and moments that we share with those that we love. I pray every day that Dad is included in all these future memories and moments for me and my family, and I pray every day to walk by faith and not by sight.

"Come to me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of your strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let Me fill you up with My Presence; I in you and you in Me. My Power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence."

Trying so hard to understand God's path for me and my family, trying so hard to remind myself that there is a greater power controlling everything- far greater than any doctor or any medicine- and constantly reminding myself, and others, that although cancer sucks, God is good. 

Continue praying, as we continue to BTHO Brain Cancer!