The Struggle. Our New Normal.

We struggle daily. I use the term 'we', because if anyone has ever experienced their loved one fight cancer, you know this disease does not just impact that person, it impacts the entire family. We have been fighting since Dad's initial diagnosis, we have been praying for a cure and we have never, ever given up hope- because (I've said it once, and I'll say it again) miracles happen every day. 

Our struggle is difficult. Our struggle involves dealing with insurance companies, hospitals, and scheduling Oncology/MRI appointments, although that struggle I'm able to handle on my side- as I'm truly my father's daughter when it comes to dealing with these different people. Let's just say, Lar doesn't take too much crap from anyone, and neither do I. The struggle to deal with those things can be frustrating, time consuming and just downright annoying, but that struggle is so small compared to our much larger struggle- accepting our new normal.

Normal. What is our new normal? Dad moves slower than he use to, he's tired a lot more and his words aren't always right. To me, none of that matters. To me, he still has his same smile, same sense of humor and same love for me. I've tried to explain that to Dad. I've tried to explain that they had to remove a tumor, a mass, from his brain, I've tried to explain that radiation treatment causes damages too- but he doesn't see all of that, he just sees that his speech is different post-treatment, his memory is different post-treatment and he's way more tired post-treatment. And yes, that may all be true. But what I'm trying so hard for him to see is that post-treatment, post-cancer, post-seizure, all I see is my Dad. The same man who has worked hard for his family since day 1, the same man that (although I probably drive him crazy 99% of the time) loves me with all his heart, and the same man that has fight, determination and pure love in his heart. 

I'm not sure when Dad will realize this, I'm not sure if Dad will ever truly accept his new normal. It's a struggle, as it would be for anyone going through a similar experience. How do you go from thinking clearly, having strength to work all day long, to now having a hard time finding the right words to say or having to nap during the day? I know that is difficult for him. I know that he has a hard time accepting this new normal, but WE are all on this journey with him. WE will all find a way to accept the new normal and WE will all find a way to do it with courage, humor and grace. 

Pray that we will continue to find God's way throughout our journey, continue to pray that we all learn to accept our new normal. Often we forget that greatness is best measured by how well someone responds to the happenings in their life that appear to be completely unfair, unreasonable and undeserved. I still truly believe that God so perfectly picked my family for this journey, and I will continue to praise him throughout it all. 

I always go back to my devotional, and with so many people that are experiencing difficult times, I can't help but remember the day I read this quote, the day I needed to see this more than I'll ever know. "You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you're going to scale those heights...you tell me how worried you are about cliffs up ahead. But you don't know what will happen today, much less tomorrow...If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence. Walk by faith, not by sight."

Continuing to walk by faith throughout it all, learning to accept our new normal and continuing to feel blessed throughout it all.