Living from one MRI to another. That's how it has felt for me since October 2013. I've focused on Dad's MRI results, I've focused on wondering if the MRI will show more tumor growth, I've focused on what the doctor will tell us about the MRI, and I've focused on all the treatments involved with the MRI. My life has centered around these MRI's for the last 8 months, and for the first time I'm going to really focus on breaking free from this habit- and just live.
I read once that to live is the rarest thing in the world, that most people just exist. To just exist couldn't be farther from the life that I want to live, and it couldn't be farther from the life I see Dad living.
So now we look ahead at the future, thank God for each day that we have and remind ourselves how blessed we that we made it through some of our darkest days with smiles on our faces.
Life continues on. And how beautiful is each and every day we have here- some days filled with disappointment, anxiety and fear, others filled with humor, love and grace, but each day surrounded by those that you love and those that love you unconditionally.
Days where we find out MRI results are always filled with anxiety and fear, a fear of results that show more tumor growth and a fear that the treatments aren't working. Yesterday was no exception. I don't even know how many of these appointments I have attended, or how many times I've sat with Dad as he received another round of treatment, but each time is the same feeling- that pit in my stomach wondering if the results will be good and wondering if all the treatment is working towards beating cancer.
On March 21, 2014, the MRI indicated what appeared to be tumor growth, and a fairly significant amount, in such a short amount of time since the prior MRI. We were all in shock. We cried, we feared the future, and we attempted to figure out our next plan of attack. The doctor at that time was not sure if the MRI indicated TRUE tumor growth or psuedo-progression.
(What is psuedo-progression? It is where post-treatment imaging changes in the tumor, where the tumor appears larger and/or brighter from greater contrast uptake as compared to the pre-treatment MRI image. These changes may mislead the patient and the doctor in thinking the tumor is getting worse due to true progression, when in fact these changes last only a short amount of time. In true psuedo-progression cases, eventually the tumor stabilizes or even shrinks as opposed to further growth if true progression.)
After the MRI on March 21, 2014, Dad started on an additional treatment, Avastin (by IV), and continued with chemotherapy by pill.
Two MRI's post March 21, 2014 (Yesterday 6/17/2014), the MRI is showing no additional growth, in fact, the MRI is almost identical to the first MRI post March 21, 2014. This MAY indicate that the initial thought that Dad's tumor was back, was in fact psuedo-progression. Which is WONDERFUL news! There is no actual way to determine if this is true tumor growth or not without a biopsy, therefore we are staying the course- continuing Avastin every 2 weeks and chemotherapy every 28 days. It's a new routine for us, it's a new normal for us, and we are slowly (very slowly) adjusting to our new normal.
Dr. Fleener was THRILLED with the MRI results and she was so pleased with how well Dad is doing- and so are we! He continues to impress me each day with how strong he has become and his ability to continue fighting!
Dad continues to work outside A LOT- from mulching the flower beds, keeping up with the garden, and mowing the grass, he stays busy and it's truly wonderful seeing him out doing things he loves to do. We are so incredibly blessed!
Keep praying and we will keep fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
Thank you for this update. It is encouraging to hear how other fighters are doing. We are going through something similar with our family and it is a daily battle to get out of bed and keep going some of the time. But to hear your story is helping me to stay positive and know there are others out there.
ReplyDeleteKacey @ Glendale MRI