The Journey. 4/20/2015

Throughout these last 18 months, I've had the opportunity to connect and develop friendships with people that, from the outside looking in, it seems that we wouldn't have much in common, it appears there would not be a reason for such a deep bond or connection. But sometimes, when God hands you something as difficult in your life as cancer, the outside looking in similarities mean nothing, instead you look at one another, give each other a hug, and you just get it. 

It's amazing how the talks about chemotherapy, the terrible side effects, the anxiety of scans/MRIs, and overall stress involved with fighting cancer become your new normal. And that's exactly what cancer has become in my life- my new normal. 

I talk about cancer and chemotherapy as if it's a normal every day routine, which is exactly what it is. But, my friends are so amazing in understanding that some days I just don't want to talk about it. Sometimes I want to go back, if just for a few hours, to those days when I was just a normal 27 year old, with no concerns about cancer, no concerns about chemotherapy, instead I just wanted to enjoy a glass of wine and talk about life. Life that doesn't involve upcoming MRIs and treatment, no, instead life that involves upcoming weekend plans and hanging out with friends. My friends get it. They understand that when I'm ready to talk about Dad's difficult days or any fears/uncertainty I might have of the future, they listen. But when I want some wine, or maybe a margarita, there is no judgment there. Because they understand that sometimes you just need to have a little bit of normal, sometimes you just need 5 minutes to forget about the difficulties in your life. 

I learned very quickly after Dad's diagnosis that my way of dealing and working through Dad's treatment may be very different than how others might handle it all. And that's ok. 

I learned very quickly, and share with others faced with that difficult battle against cancer, that the beauty of your journey with cancer, is that it is in fact YOUR journey. You get to do, say, and act however you would like. You get to decide how you want to face that difficult battle. And the beauty of it all, is that until someone has been in your exact situation, until someone has been the fighter against cancer or the caregiver to someone battling the disease, they do not get to share how they would handle the battle. 

This is not saying that the love and support from so many is not appreciated, the cards, the food, the hugs and texts- all letting us know you're thinking about us, and praying for us. What I'm trying to say is, each person's journey with cancer is one that is unique to them. Each person handles pain, fear and anxiety in different ways. And that is ok! 

What we can never do is try to compare one journey with cancer to another. I can relate to so many faced with a cancer diagnosis. I understand the side effects of chemotherapy, the anxiety of scan days, and the overall fear of the unknown- those I can relate to. But what I can't do is ever try to discredit someone else's journey by comparing it to another. By saying that one situation is much worse than the other, or that someone has it easier than someone else. To say those things, to say that my Dad's cancer is worse than someone else's, would in fact take away the beauty in their journey, and that is something that no one should ever take away in anyone's journey.

I recently read a quote once that said:
"Saying someone can't be sad because someone else has it worse, is like saying someone can't be happy because someone else has it better."

How incredibly true! I continue to pray each and every day that no family is faced with the difficult battle that we face daily, that no family is faced with the constant fear and anxiety that comes with a cancer diagnosis, but if they are faced with a difficult battle, they treat the world better than it is treating them. 

Encouraging words, love and support, it all goes so far when you're battling cancer. It all can make a bad day seem less difficult, it all can make chemo week seem bearable, and it all can make you realize how beautiful the journey really is. 

Dad starts another round of chemotherapy tonight, and I know the thought of taking the treatment has been giving him anxiety all weekend. 18 months out, and it doesn't get any easier for Dad.  We will attempt to manage the side effects the best we can, and pray Dad continues to feel well during his treatment. It's really a constant battle between hating chemotherapy and loving it, all at the same time. 

Thank you all for the continued thoughts and prayers throughout this journey, and keep them coming, as we fight to BTHO Brain Cancer!