I find myself sending out emails to friends and co-workers titled "Inspiration Tuesday" or "Inspiration Wednesday". Really, there is no specific "Inspiration" day, as any time I find a story that I feel has tugged at my heart, I immediately send it out for inspiration to others. Some days, my need for inspiration is greater than others, and it's amazing how these days where I feel I need that inspiration and guidance to remind me that our path is perfectly created for us, right then and there I find my inspiration.
A few months ago I was introduce to Matt Chandler, a pastor in the Dallas area, who was diagnosed with brain cancer on Thanksgiving Day a few years ago. I read his story, felt truly inspired and then, for some reason, continued on without sharing his story and his faith. But then the other day Mom asked, "Have you heard about that pastor in Dallas who has brain cancer?" And right then I was reminded of Matt's story, and right then I knew I needed to share how he's inspired me.
I encourage each of you to watch this short video of an interview he had in 2010: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvRCXSPqhN4.
Matt Chandler talks about a story in the Old Testament, the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, where they say "He Can, He Will, And even if He doesn't." Matt's perspective is so incredibly perfect, he says that he believes God can heal him, he believes God will heal him, and EVEN if He doesn't, he believes that "If I'm here, let's work. But if I go home, that's even better."
He Can. He Will. And even if He doesn't.
What an incredibly powerful message! Dad's last trip to the Cancer Clinic went well, as his doctor is extremely pleased with his progress and is continuing him with chemotherapy and Avastin treatment. The visit was normal, the visit didn't include a BIG MRI result or any news that the doctor felt the tumor had progressed due to any physical signs, but for some reason this time felt a bit different for me. I can honestly say it never gets easier going to the Cancer Clinic, you never become numb to the realization that your loved one has cancer, and you never become numb to hearing someone say this was their first trip, that they recently found out they too had cancer.
For those who are getting treatment for the first time, both young and old, male and female, and representing every type of cancer, I want to embrace them and pray with them. I want to tell them it will all be 'ok'. I want to share with them that the darkness and pain of a cancer diagnosis will slowly fade and be filled with light and joy, as weird as that may sound. And maybe that's yet another gift Dad's cancer has given me, it's given me the ability to share this light and joy in my blog with others who may be faced with a cancer diagnosis.
I remember the first week of Dad's diagnosis, oh what a whirlwind it was! You're attempting to process the word "cancer" and what it means to your loved one and to you. You're attempting to schedule appointments with numerous doctors and you're attempting to keep it all together. You're also attempting to figure out how to share your new diagnosis. Are you open? Are you private? Do you want everyone to know the details? Will people understand or will they shy away and be fearful to say anything?
Oh the questions you ask yourself and the moments where you feel like it literally is all falling apart! These moments, as dark and painful as they may seem, now have created such light and joy in our lives. We are better because of Dad's fight.
Dad continues to feel well, and each day forward is such an unbelievable gift. I have to remind myself that if God's plan is to allow Dad to BEAT this cancer, then what a wonderful plan He has for us, and if that's not God's plan, if God's plan involves hurt, tears and pain, then what a wonderful plan He has for us!
I believe God can heal my Dad, I believe God will heal my Dad, but even if he doesn't, I will praise him throughout it all. Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
The Beauty In Suffering. 10/15/2014
Note: This blog post isn't one centered specifically around Dad, his treatment or further treatments ahead, instead this blog post is one that was specifically inspired by Dad. It's a blog post I wanted to share, one that I feel as though many of us can relate to- Suffering. Dad continues to do well and we are so incredibly blessed with each and every day. Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
Suffering. I don't think there is a more perfect word to describe a cancer diagnosis. There is much suffering in hearing the word "cancer", there is much suffering in hearing the "life expectancy" and there is even greater suffering watching a loved one go through treatment.
This suffering has brought a true gift to my life, as I now have a much greater appreciation for life. Cancer has given me a gift. The suffering has given me a gift, as it's all lead to something wonderful- quality time.
You see, I've been able to share special moments with my Dad. And maybe these special moments are just watching his favorite tv show on a Monday night, or hearing him thank me for making dinner, or even listening to him snore while I'm trying to take a Sunday afternoon nap- But all of those moments are each uniquely special to me. I've learned to appreciate these moments. I've learned to say everything I want to say to him and tell him I love him every chance I get. Now if that isn't one of the most wonderful gifts one can receive, I'm not sure what is!
I know the life expectancy, I know the statistics- heck, I also know that something can happen to any of us tomorrow. I am faced with the realization that my Dad might not be around forever, I am faced with the realization that my Dad might not walk me down the aisle at my wedding- but I'm also faced with the realization of how precious each and every day is. I've realized the gift of cancer, that suffering has given me a gift and I will embrace that gift with all of my being.
Which is why my heart broke to hear the story of Brittany Maynard, the young lady who has decided to end her life on November 1 after being diagnosed with brain cancer (glioblastoma) earlier this year. She says she doesn't want to suffer, she says she wants to die with dignity.
But isn't that what God promises us? He promises suffering. But he also promises to bring good out of all suffering. My devotional was just perfect the other day, and exactly how my family has tried to live our lives in our suffering with cancer. I just pray that Brittany Maynard realizes this before November 1. I hope she realizes that there is such a greater power controlling it all, and sometimes you just have to let go and let God take over.
"Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely- even thanking Me for them- is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles. When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My purpose. Thus your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness." James 1: 2-4; Psalm 107: 21-22
Our suffering has been great and challenging, but I also know the pain we've felt this last year in our battle against cancer, is nothing compared to the joy we will experience as we stay on this path led by faith, and not by sight.
Each and every day I read a quote by Dana Hurst, a quote that has such significant meaning in my life:
"My fight. To not let suffering win. To not let it take away the joy in my faith. To not let it affect the relationships in my life. To instead, take it for it's own and run and use it to make me better. To allow it to show me when I am weak. To embrace those weaknesses when they are near and become stronger for it."
Fighting each day to see the good in the suffering, fighting each day to see the good in the storm and reminding myself that 'life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." And my friends, I'm dancing.
Suffering. I don't think there is a more perfect word to describe a cancer diagnosis. There is much suffering in hearing the word "cancer", there is much suffering in hearing the "life expectancy" and there is even greater suffering watching a loved one go through treatment.
This suffering has brought a true gift to my life, as I now have a much greater appreciation for life. Cancer has given me a gift. The suffering has given me a gift, as it's all lead to something wonderful- quality time.
You see, I've been able to share special moments with my Dad. And maybe these special moments are just watching his favorite tv show on a Monday night, or hearing him thank me for making dinner, or even listening to him snore while I'm trying to take a Sunday afternoon nap- But all of those moments are each uniquely special to me. I've learned to appreciate these moments. I've learned to say everything I want to say to him and tell him I love him every chance I get. Now if that isn't one of the most wonderful gifts one can receive, I'm not sure what is!
I know the life expectancy, I know the statistics- heck, I also know that something can happen to any of us tomorrow. I am faced with the realization that my Dad might not be around forever, I am faced with the realization that my Dad might not walk me down the aisle at my wedding- but I'm also faced with the realization of how precious each and every day is. I've realized the gift of cancer, that suffering has given me a gift and I will embrace that gift with all of my being.
Which is why my heart broke to hear the story of Brittany Maynard, the young lady who has decided to end her life on November 1 after being diagnosed with brain cancer (glioblastoma) earlier this year. She says she doesn't want to suffer, she says she wants to die with dignity.
But isn't that what God promises us? He promises suffering. But he also promises to bring good out of all suffering. My devotional was just perfect the other day, and exactly how my family has tried to live our lives in our suffering with cancer. I just pray that Brittany Maynard realizes this before November 1. I hope she realizes that there is such a greater power controlling it all, and sometimes you just have to let go and let God take over.
"Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely- even thanking Me for them- is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles. When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My purpose. Thus your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness." James 1: 2-4; Psalm 107: 21-22
Our suffering has been great and challenging, but I also know the pain we've felt this last year in our battle against cancer, is nothing compared to the joy we will experience as we stay on this path led by faith, and not by sight.
Each and every day I read a quote by Dana Hurst, a quote that has such significant meaning in my life:
"My fight. To not let suffering win. To not let it take away the joy in my faith. To not let it affect the relationships in my life. To instead, take it for it's own and run and use it to make me better. To allow it to show me when I am weak. To embrace those weaknesses when they are near and become stronger for it."
Fighting each day to see the good in the suffering, fighting each day to see the good in the storm and reminding myself that 'life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." And my friends, I'm dancing.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Our Week In Review 10/12/2014
This week started another round of chemo and Avastin for Dad. We were so thrilled to see that the chemo pills did not make Dad sick this time! Such a huge blessing! It looks like we've finally figured out the best time to start the anti-nausea patch.
This week I also had the utmost honor of sharing Dad's story with the Brenham Banner Press. I wasn't sure how Dad was going to react to the story, as Lar really hates for all of the attention to be on him. But, Mom assured me he would be just fine with it all.
So Wednesday night, I shared with him that the Banner wrote a story on him and his fight against brain cancer, and I also shared with him the number of views my blog has had since November 2013. I don't think he really ever has grasped the number of people keeping up with his progress and fight.
I read Dad the article in the Banner. And then, he asked me to read some of my blog. I realized that Dad knows about my blog, but he's never read any entry and I was so honored to be able to share a few entries with him.
I read my most recent post, the one sharing our one year anniversary of our fight against brain cancer. I'm not sure how I made it through it all without shedding a tear, but as I finished reading the blog, I looked up to see tears in his eyes. He thanked me, he thanked me so many times for sharing my blog, and I was more than honored to share with him just a few of my thoughts. I've never been more proud to be his daughter, I've never been more proud to share his story, and I've never been more proud to share our faith.
The outpour of love from the blog, and the article in the Banner, has just filled my heart with so much joy! Thank you all for helping Dad realize he is very much loved by so many and that so many of you are continuing to pray for him!
I share often how blessed we are, how we feel as though this path was so perfectly created by someone much greater than any power here on Earth, and that no matter what lies ahead, I know there is someone much greater already there. We continue to find joy in each and every day, we continue to find joy in our cancer fight.
When you witness first hand a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, one in which they tell you "it's not if, it's when" the tumor will return, you're forced to find inner strength and inner faith that you didn't know existed. I'm so proud to be able to share Dad's story of strength, faith and determination to beat this beast with friends and family. And most importantly, my heart is so full to know Dad is proud of my blog and what I've been sharing.
Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
This week I also had the utmost honor of sharing Dad's story with the Brenham Banner Press. I wasn't sure how Dad was going to react to the story, as Lar really hates for all of the attention to be on him. But, Mom assured me he would be just fine with it all.
So Wednesday night, I shared with him that the Banner wrote a story on him and his fight against brain cancer, and I also shared with him the number of views my blog has had since November 2013. I don't think he really ever has grasped the number of people keeping up with his progress and fight.
I read Dad the article in the Banner. And then, he asked me to read some of my blog. I realized that Dad knows about my blog, but he's never read any entry and I was so honored to be able to share a few entries with him.
I read my most recent post, the one sharing our one year anniversary of our fight against brain cancer. I'm not sure how I made it through it all without shedding a tear, but as I finished reading the blog, I looked up to see tears in his eyes. He thanked me, he thanked me so many times for sharing my blog, and I was more than honored to share with him just a few of my thoughts. I've never been more proud to be his daughter, I've never been more proud to share his story, and I've never been more proud to share our faith.
The outpour of love from the blog, and the article in the Banner, has just filled my heart with so much joy! Thank you all for helping Dad realize he is very much loved by so many and that so many of you are continuing to pray for him!
I share often how blessed we are, how we feel as though this path was so perfectly created by someone much greater than any power here on Earth, and that no matter what lies ahead, I know there is someone much greater already there. We continue to find joy in each and every day, we continue to find joy in our cancer fight.
When you witness first hand a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, one in which they tell you "it's not if, it's when" the tumor will return, you're forced to find inner strength and inner faith that you didn't know existed. I'm so proud to be able to share Dad's story of strength, faith and determination to beat this beast with friends and family. And most importantly, my heart is so full to know Dad is proud of my blog and what I've been sharing.
Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
1 Year Anniversary: 10/5/2014
"I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me."
Survival. 1 year after Dad's diagnosis and we've survived! We've not allowed Cancer, that "fire" around us, to burn any brighter than our fight within us.
Our "fire", our desire to beat this beast called cancer, is so much stronger than the fear that is that terrible 6 letter word, so much stronger than the side effects of the treatment, and so much stronger because of our faith.
Regardless if someone was diagnosed with cancer just yesterday, 3 months ago, or has been in remission for years, I think that 6 letter word all gives us that gut wrenching feeling. That feeling of defeat, despair, and fear. But what I like to remind myself about that 6 letter word, that 6 letter word brings us all closer together. How wonderful is it knowing that you're not alone in a fight against cancer, you're not alone in a battle for your life, that your fire inside will burn brighter than the fire surrounding you because of others?
Our one year anniversary of our battle against brain cancer is on Sunday, as October 5 has a completely new significance to my family. The day our lives completely changed, shifted and were re-routed onto our new path, and what a beautiful path it has been.
I imagine those of you couldn't imagine a fight against cancer as "beautiful', and there are days where I have to look so incredibly hard to find this "beauty", but believe me, it's there! The days where Dad isn't feeling well from the treatment breaks my heart, but those little moments when I hear a laugh, see a smile, or have a few seconds of "normal life" with him, help me forget those "bad days". These GREAT moments, maybe just 2 minutes, seem to trump the bad DAYS we have, and for that, our path is beautiful.
We are so blessed that God has given us 12 beautiful months on this fight against Dad's cancer, 12 months that have been filled with ups and downs, good and bad days, but all-in-all beauty. We have no idea what our next step in the fight against brain cancer will look like or even when it will happen, but what we do know is that each day with Dad is a pure gift, and that's exactly how we plan to treat each and every moment going forward.
Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
Survival. 1 year after Dad's diagnosis and we've survived! We've not allowed Cancer, that "fire" around us, to burn any brighter than our fight within us.
Our "fire", our desire to beat this beast called cancer, is so much stronger than the fear that is that terrible 6 letter word, so much stronger than the side effects of the treatment, and so much stronger because of our faith.
Regardless if someone was diagnosed with cancer just yesterday, 3 months ago, or has been in remission for years, I think that 6 letter word all gives us that gut wrenching feeling. That feeling of defeat, despair, and fear. But what I like to remind myself about that 6 letter word, that 6 letter word brings us all closer together. How wonderful is it knowing that you're not alone in a fight against cancer, you're not alone in a battle for your life, that your fire inside will burn brighter than the fire surrounding you because of others?
Our one year anniversary of our battle against brain cancer is on Sunday, as October 5 has a completely new significance to my family. The day our lives completely changed, shifted and were re-routed onto our new path, and what a beautiful path it has been.
I imagine those of you couldn't imagine a fight against cancer as "beautiful', and there are days where I have to look so incredibly hard to find this "beauty", but believe me, it's there! The days where Dad isn't feeling well from the treatment breaks my heart, but those little moments when I hear a laugh, see a smile, or have a few seconds of "normal life" with him, help me forget those "bad days". These GREAT moments, maybe just 2 minutes, seem to trump the bad DAYS we have, and for that, our path is beautiful.
We are so blessed that God has given us 12 beautiful months on this fight against Dad's cancer, 12 months that have been filled with ups and downs, good and bad days, but all-in-all beauty. We have no idea what our next step in the fight against brain cancer will look like or even when it will happen, but what we do know is that each day with Dad is a pure gift, and that's exactly how we plan to treat each and every moment going forward.
Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
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