Cancer Will Never Defeat Dad. Dad Update 1/21/2015

"In 2015 I start a year of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the how and the why...I focus on the change. I focus on the thankfulness of being where I am despite the journey that was walked. No more I wants, or please God's. But instead, I start and end with 'Thank You God'. " 
Dana Hurst

Dana Hurst is a fellow brain cancer caregiver and blogger, who lost her husband to the evil that is brain cancer. I read her blog often, and can't help but think there are times where she is speaking right to me. Letting me read the words I so badly needed, not necessarily wanted, to hear. 

Gratitude.

Giving gratitude to a God who has placed this brain cancer journey in my life. Giving gratitude to a power much greater than any doctor or treatment. And giving gratitude to a God who has watched as my family has struggled with the suffering that cancer involves. 

But not only does Dana Hurst talk about giving gratitude, she also talks about the fight against suffering. She says:
"My fight. To not let suffering win. To not let it take away the joy in my faith. To not let it affect the relationships in my life. To instead, take it for its own run and use it to make me better. To allow it to show me when I am weak. To embrace those weaknesses when they are near and become stronger for it."

Giving gratitude for this fight. The fight against suffering. 

That's the exact attitude my family has had since that devastating day in October, when we learned Dad had stage IV cancer, and that's the exact attitude we will continue to have as Dad battles against this disease. To not let suffering win.

Cancer will never defeat Dad. Cancer can never defeat someone who does not lose faith. Cancer can never defeat someone who does not let suffering win. Cancer can never defeat someone who does not allow suffering to take away the joy in their faith. Cancer will never defeat my family.

As Dad starts another round of chemo on Monday, and another Avastin treatment on Tuesday, we are once again reminded of the fight we have ahead of us, we are once again reminded that brain cancer treatment has become part of our normal routine. The days can be difficult, the treatment painful, but we continue to give gratitude and be thankful the treatments are working, thankful Dad is feeling well,and thankful for these last 15 months.

Asking for a few extra prayers, as treatment week is always a little tough on Dad physically and mentally. Continuing with our motto, that we will never once deny the diagnosis, instead we will fight like hell to defy the verdict!

And tomorrow, a very sweet woman starts her fight against brain cancer. Asking for a few extra prayers to her, and her family. With 6 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy, the side effects can be tough, that I will not deny, but I know with their unbelievable amount of faith, strength, and an amazing support system, she is going to BTHO Brain Cancer!


Please continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!

An Understanding. 1/12/2015

Yesterday I stood next to two incredible women, as we discussed their battles against cancer. And Friday I answered numerous questions about Dad's treatment and side effects, as a wife and mother was diagnosed with the same type of tumor as Dad. During these interactions I realized one thing, we all have this incredible understanding with one another. We just get it. 

An understanding. A mutual agreement between two people. A way of knowing exactly what someone is going through, without even saying a word. 

That's what I've gained these last 15 months. An understanding with so many others.

When Dad as diagnosed with brain cancer, more specifically glioblastoma-multiforme, I literally had no idea what that would involve. I had never heard of anyone with brain cancer, and I sure as heck had never heard of "glioblastoma". I did very little research those first few months, only enough to understand the treatment options and only enough to not scare the ever living life out of me. 

We were blindly finding our way through the battle. We struggled. We failed. And, we are now at a place where we feel like we are succeeding. Not succeeding because Dad's MRI's are stable, succeeding because we are slowly understanding the treatment, the side effects, and options for Dad. I research daily. The statistics no longer scare me. The side effects no longer give me a gut wrenching feeling. Instead, they continue to give me hope. 

Hope because I constantly read stories of survival, hope because I constantly read of clinical trials which are WORKING, and hope because we are not alone- even though we felt so incredibly alone those first few months. 

The struggle we faced those first few months of trying to figure it all out, what an incredible blessing it has all been! Those first few months seem to be a bit of a blur, as I was struggling in so many ways with Dad's battle- trying to regain my faith, trying to come to terms with the word "cancer", and trying to keep it all together for my family. But we've come so far since October 2013, we don't have all the answers, but we have some, and we may not have it all completely figured out, but we are getting better each day. 

The true blessing that we gained those first few months during our struggle, is that now we are able to help others faced with the battle against brain cancer. We are able to answer the questions we always forgot to ask during doctor's appointments, and we are able to just be there and listen as they talk through their diagnosis. 

Hearing of a recent glioblastoma diagnosis does take me back to that moment when we realized Dad had a tumor, when we realized the tumor was cancer, and when we realized the battle we had ahead. That moment was terrifying, that moment still brings knots to my stomach, but that moment also makes me realize how far we've come in our battle. It gives me hope that others faced with that terrifying moment will see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Our life isn't perfect, and in reality, it's far from perfect. We struggle each day with Dad's diagnosis, the side effects of the tumor and treatment, and understanding our new normal. We've learned to lean on people who have gone through the battle before us, and because of that, we are more than happy for others to lean on us during their battles. 

The treatments continue, and in our life, they will never stop. We will continue to have MRI's, battles against the side effects of the chemo and bi-weekly trips for Avastin. That has all become our new normal. And what a beautiful normal it really has become. 

Asking for a few extra prayers for some pretty incredible people in my life, those who have been battling cancer for a while, and those newly diagnosed. The road is difficult, with so many unknowns, but know there are people who "just get it" and are with you on this ride.

Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!

Eyes Wide Open. 1/8/2015

The other day Mom asked me, "Do you think brain cancer is just so much more common now? Why do I keep hearing about it so often."

Mom has a good point. In the time that Dad has been diagnosed with brain cancer (just 15 months ago), I know of 2 others diagnosed with brain cancer. Is it that brain cancer is much more common, or is it because my eyes are now open, wide open, to this battle? 

When I hear of a recent diagnosis my stomach literally is in knots. It takes me right back to that cold hospital room where we found out Dad's tumor was malignant, where we found out it was Stage IV brain cancer, and where the word "cancer" literally took my breath away. 

I go back to the person I was 15 months ago and I don't think I recognize her anymore. I've changed. I've become more aware of the battle so many others face. I've become more aware of my faith in a power much greater than any power here on earth. And I've become aware of HOPE.

Hope and hopelessness are both options when faced with difficult battles. And I will not deny my heart was filled with hopelessness those weeks following Dad's diagnosis. But as the time passed, as I read stories of others who not only survived, but THRIVED, I started filling my heart with hope. I started to realize that when chances are one in a million, you FIGHT to be that one. Dad has NEVER lost his fight. And that gives me HOPE. 

As I received the news of another brain cancer diagnosis, as my heart sank, and as my thoughts were filled with such sadness for the family, I quickly turned to my devotional:
"Trust in me forever, for I am the rock eternal. It is easy to trust Me for a while- especially when things are going well in your life. But I am calling you to trust in Me at all times, no matter what is happening. I understand what a difficult assignment this is, and I know that you will sometimes fail in this venture...Let this assurance of My unfailing Love draw you back to Me- back to trusting Me...You can rely on Me! When your walk through this world feels wobbly, remember that I am your Rock. I always provide a stable place for you to stand. I can easily bear all your weight, including the weight of your problems. So come to Me when you are feeling heavy laden with worries. I invite you to lean on Me- trusting Me with all your heart and mind."

Dad's diagnosis, and the countless others who are diagnosed with brain cancer, are exactly WHY I run for the rose. The funding and awareness for brain cancer is saving countless lives and giving those diagnosed with brain cancer QUALITY of life. Dad is living proof that the money raised by the Dr. Marnie Rose Foundation is impacting so many, in such a positive way. I hope you can all help in supporting the Dr. Marnie Rose Foundation in making a donation to support brain cancer research, research that is so badly needed, research that is without a doubt saving lives, and research that is on the brink of finding a cure!

Visit our team page, join us for the run/walk, or make a donation to help support so many families, just like mine, who are fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
http://runfortherose.racepartner.com/run-for-the-rose/bthobraincancer