As I started going through the beautiful pictures my best friend took of my family in an attempt to pick only one or two for our family Christmas card, I also pulled out my devotional and the words couldn't have been more perfect:
"A life of praise and thankfulness becomes a life filled with miracles. Instead of trying to be in control, you focus on Me and what I am doing."
A life filled with miracles is exactly what we have experienced- Dad is our miracle.
I think back to that first Thanksgiving after Dad's diagnosis- we were in the middle of his radiation and intense chemotherapy treatment. Dad felt terrible, and we all had this thought in the back of our minds- what if this was the last Thanksgiving with Dad?
Each year since then we have been reminded how blessed we are for our miracle. Each year we are reminded of those incredibly difficult months following Dad diagnosis, months that we still look back and question how we ever survived it all.
We celebrated another Thanksgiving surrounded by friends and family, and we look forward to the Christmas season! It's really our family's favorite time of year- Mom always manages to go all out, and I managed to have about seven crates filled with Christmas decorations for my house. Like mother-like daughter apparently!
This last year has been one filled with so much joy. I can't share with each of you enough how blessed we feel to have Dad with us each and every day. I honestly can't share with each of you how much our faith has grown with each day that has passes.
Dad is still off of all treatment- no chemotherapy and no Avastin- he's thrilled, and so am I- I haven't had to yell at any insurance companies or hospitals in what seems like forever!
We have another MRI at the end of the year, with hopes that everything appears stable and the break from treatments can continue, as I know the quality of life for Dad is so much greater since he's been on this break! We know all too well the beast we are up against, and we are so incredibly proud of Dad for being a three year brain cancer survivor!
Here is a little sneak peak of our Christmas card for this year! A big thank you to my best friend of almost 20 years for taking pictures for us again this year- check out her website loveandlightphotography.co,
Each year gets a little more challenging to manage the little ones, and next year will be even more challenging, as my middle sister, Meghan, and her husband Ross are expecting their first child! I'll be an aunt to three little ones, and I couldn't be more excited!
As always, your thoughts, prayers and kind words have meant more to us than you'll ever know. Thank you for your love and support, and thanks for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!
This morning I received a text that broke my heart into a million pieces.
"My mom died this morning."
I honestly didn't even know how to respond. Because I knew no words could bring back her mom. No words could show the absolute pain my heart was feeling for her and her family. No words could bring any sort of comfort to her at that moment.
So what did I share?
I told her that I loved her.
This dear friend of mine has been on a cancer journey very similar to ours, as her mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer about a year and a half ago. We've both celebrated through great scans, and supported one another through some not so great ones. We've leaned on one another for advice on how to manage the side effects of the treatments, and we've each celebrated small victories when our loved ones managed to feel just a little bit better.
She's been my rock throughout Dad's battle.
I recently watched a sermon by Matt Chandler- he's a pastor in the Dallas area, and a brain cancer survivor- where he shared the following words:
"Suffering. Difficulty. It should surprise no one." Matt Chandler
You're right Matt, these things shouldn't surprise us- because it is what God has promised each of us- it's just I wish those things didn't hurt so bad.
And I truly believe that eventually we understand the suffering and difficulty that is placed in our lives, and although I do not think God WANTS us to suffer- it's part of our journey in this world. I believe that God gives us the tools to handle the suffering and difficult times, but sometimes it takes us a while to find those tools in the midst of our sadness and defeat.
There are a lot of things that I can relate to when it comes to a cancer diagnosis. I can relate to the awful chemotherapy treatments and the terrible side effects. I can relate to the numerous insurance issues and bills. I can relate to scan days and the dreaded anxiety associated with waiting for the results. I can relate to the pain of hearing "terminal cancer".
But I can't relate to losing a parent. I know it's a loss that is hard to describe. It's a loss that involves so much suffering, and so much pain.
And although I can't relate to the loss, what I also shared with my friend is that I do not believe that her mom "lost" her battle with cancer.
No you see, her mom showed faith, determination, strength, and a will to kick cancer's butt. How can you lose a battle when you have all those things in your corner?
So today, I'm asking for a few more prayers for my dear friend and her family, as they face the suffering after the battle. They face the realization that the cancer journey is over, and a new type of suffering has started.
I'll be hugging Dad a little bit tighter, enjoying a few more extra moments with him over the holidays, and I'll be thanking God for each second I have with him- because after today, life has shown me, once again, that our time here is short and the little moments in life truly are the big moments.
