In December of 2013 we were just finishing up Dad's intense round of chemotherapy and radiation. And we were still trying to figure out this whole "brain cancer" thing. We still didn't understand the insurance world (although, I'm not sure we do even now!), or how radiation treatment would impact Dad long term- and we still didn't really, truly understand this journey. I know I was still very upset with God- my faith was being tested in so many ways, with my heart wanting to find hope in it all, and my head being filled with anger, resentment, and sadness.
I remember thinking that this could be our last Christmas with Dad.
While, that wasn't the last, in fact this is Dad's 5th Christmas post-diagnosis- there is something I've learned as we've reached various milestones in Dad's journey.
Sure- holidays are important, it's a time where family and friends get together- but I'm reminded that it's really not the holidays that mean that much.
In fact, I still find myself getting annoyed with Dad at the same things he did pre-diagnosis- whether it's when he snores while he's napping, or when he goes to wash his hands and NEVER looks for a towel first, only to have wet hands and look to me in the kitchen to get him a towel- and it's in those moments I remind myself how lucky I am to still get annoyed with my Dad on a day to day basis. These moments remind me that he is still here with us- that Dad has beat every odd placed against him.
And these little moments continuously remind me that Dad is truly a walking MIRACLE.
So on this Christmas, and really every day of the year, I'm going to take the moments where Dad's habits annoy me, or where his humor shines through, and thank God that he gave us this miracle. This miracle that reminds us again what a truly amazing God we serve- one that has the power to do things the human mind thinks is impossible- things that give us such great joy, and one that has the ability to comfort us and give us hope in some of our darkest moments.
I am so very thankful for my faith these last four years- for without it, y'all I would have crumbled and been so broken throughout it all. And as I think about how strong my faith has become over the last four years, I also look at the strength of our family- I look at how God took something so horrible and difficult, and gave it to us to make us stronger. If that doesn't make you look at God's work in awe, I'm not sure what will.
This weekend I'm also reminded of a friend's cancer journey that is just beginning, and to say I haven't shed some tears since her diagnosis would be such a complete lie- as my heart broke when I heard the news. And this weekend I will attend her "head shaving" party- if you know this girl, having a party for her head shaving is just perfect- as she is always the life of the party, everyone's big sister, and an incredible friend to even a stranger.
And as my mind started to go back to our initial diagnosis and the months after, the tears flowed even more, as I started to think about the difficulties they will face- some days just filled with nothing but one bad thing after the other- but that's something they know, they know cancer is hard. So instead, I wanted to share with her the positive of it all- that even if they think it's not possible, cancer will find a way to make your family more appreciative, closer and gain an understanding that many don't fully have- that life can change at any moment, and to really appreciate the little things.
So this Christmas season we will continue to be so thankful and so blessed for our Christmas miracle, Dad, and we will continue to support and pray for those fighting through the battle of cancer- and for those who are fighting through the holiday season after losing a loved one to this horrible disease.
Many of you may have seen the interview with Meghan McCain and Joe Biden, and regardless of your political views I hope you saw the true purpose of that interaction- it was one family providing hope to another. A family, that although lost their son to this terrible disease, wanted his legacy to continue in showing others that through some of your darkest of times, there is always hope. I continue to pray that Dad's story is that for others- Hope.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season- may it be filled with love, laughter and joy.
