I can't even begin to describe the anxiety, fear and pure stress I feel on the days where we find out Dad's MRI results. I'm a huge mess.
It's something you constantly think about all day, no matter how busy of a day you have, no matter how many distractions you may have, it's there, in the back of your mind. You want to hear the words, "Everything looks good!", and you so badly fear the words, "Well, it doesn't look good." Walking into the Cancer Clinic is something I do every 2 weeks, but this doesn't mean the same gut wrenching feeling doesn't come back every 2 weeks, and even more so on the days we get Dad's MRI results. You walk into a place you never imagined you would be, you walk into a place with people who all never imagined they too would be there, and each time it feels surreal.
Thankfully, Dad's MRI results were good! In March 2014, Dad's MRI results showed progression- the cancer was back...or so they thought. Now, almost 1 year post-diagnosis, Dad's MRI is stabilizing, leading the Oncologist to believe the "progression" in March, was due to the radiation treatment- something called psuedoprogression. The MRI is stable. Stable is good. Stable is GREAT!
Dad's cancer can come back at any time. Statistically, 100% of Glioblastomas recur within 6-8 months, we are reaching our 1 year mark. We are so incredibly blessed!
So now, we stay the course. We continue with the chemo, with another round starting in about 2 weeks, and we continue with the Avastin treatment- both are not known to cause any sort of problems when taken long term.
Do I think the anxiety, fear, and pure stress will ever go away when I walk into the Cancer Clinic? Probably not. I still feel sick to my stomach each time I walk into that place, but I'm reminded each time what a blessing it's all been- what a blessing it is to be surrounded by such amazing people at the Cancer Clinic.
On Monday, my devotional was absolutely fitting for my thoughts and feelings for this week ahead.
"Trust ME and Refuse to Worry." POWERFUL words.
"I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks- or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present...I can empower you to handle each task as it comes...I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me."
So today's post is one about hope, faith and pure joy! We are so hopeful that Dad will continue to not be a statistic with Brain Cancer, we are filled with faith in this path so perfectly created for us, and we celebrate the joy of each and every day we are given- as each day is a true gift.
Continue praying, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
This is a beautiful story. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share it. When I was little my father got cancer and I kept a journal about it. We did not have internet at that point but I think it would have been so encouraging to read what other people are going through. It is very comforting.
ReplyDeleteKacey @ Glendale MRI