"Problems are part of life. They are inescapable, woven into the very fabric of this fallen world. You tend to go into problem-solving mode all too readily, acting as if you have the capacity to fix everything...You are ever so limited in your capacity to correct all that is wrong in the world around you. Don't weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own...Rather than try to fix everything that comes to your attending, ask Me to show you what is truly important."
So here we are one Avastin treatment in, with another one on Wednesday. And I still sit and think, constantly, what IF the treatment is not working, what is our next step. I stress on our next step. I take on responsibilities that no one asks me to take on- I take on the research and insurance information gathering, and I put the weight on my shoulders to make sure we are able to afford any and all future treatment options. Here i am thinking that I have the capacity to fix everything.
Because Dad has been feeling so well, because there have been no increase in his headaches or an increase in him wanting to sleep more, or any other cognitive changes- it's been hard for me to remember that the last MRI showed that Dad's cancer was on it's way back. It's been hard for me to remember that the nature of the beast Dad is fighting can and WILL return- it's always just a matter of time.
And I struggle. I'm all too guilty of trying to fix the problem before it happens. I over analyze things. I over plan.
And as I do all these things, I get hit in the face with this message of turning over these responsibilities to HIM. I can't promise that this will happen overnight, but I can promise that I will try. I will try to remember that I can not fix it all. That I can not take away this cancer from Dad. That I can not give him a perfect MRI.
Dad starts another round of chemotherapy today. He hates these weeks. It's so hard to see him feeling so incredibly terrible. The chemo knocks it out of him. And we try to be encouraging and supportive, but he's the one that has to experience the pain of the drugs. These drugs that have given us such amazing quality time with him these last 2 years. I can't help but be so thankful for them, and yet hate them at the same time.
Along with chemotherapy, Dad will have another round of Avastin this week. Thankfully, this treatment does not give him too many side effects- but it can be a long process that day if the chemo center is exceptionally busy. Long days are hard on Dad- especially on chemo week. But, we again are so thankful for both of these treatment options.
Thankful. We are so incredibly thankful that we had another Thanksgiving with Dad. I remember that first Thanksgiving after his diagnosis- we were in the middle of radiation and intense chemotherapy- it's amazing how far we've come these last 2 years. Dad was able to enjoy it all and continued to feel well.
We also received some more exciting news that reminded us again how THANKFUL we are:
Luke will be a BIG brother in July, as Genna and Chad announced they are pregnant. We are OVER the moon excited for another sweet addition to our family.
Dad has had the chance to watch Luke grow this last year, and will now get to help celebrate another grandchild to the family- we are so incredibly blessed and THANKFUL.
We continue to pray the new treatment is working and Dad's strength and attitude continue this week during chemotherapy. It's never easy, but this time of year helps us reflect on the things that are in fact the MOST important- friends & family. And we've been blessed with both amazing friends and family on this incredible journey.
Thank you all for the continued thoughts and prayers, as we continue fighting to BTHO Brain Cancer!
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