We Went With Our Heart. Dad Update 8/11/2016

From phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, emails, and those of you who stopped any of us to share that you've been praying for us, and with us, in making our big decision in Dad's treatment plan- thank you!

That little blog post that shared some of my emotions of fear, anxiety and concern received over 700 views. I can't even begin to put into words what it means to know that we have so many people following our story and continuing on this journey with us one step at a time. 

I'm not sure if my head and my heart will ever be on the same page when it comes to the treatment options for Dad, but what I do know is that I had a chance to have a one on one conversation with Dad- just me and him. And I asked him, flat out asked him what HE wanted to do- and he said he would do whatever we thought was best. And I stopped him and again asked, 'No Dad, what do YOU want?"

And he wanted a break from the treatment. And that was my moment of clarity. For so long I was worried about what to do- what decision I would make, when all along I should have just asked Dad and made him give me an answer.  

How long will the break from chemo be for? Well, that part of the decision is up to our oncologist. We are leaving it up to her to tell us for how long she feels comfortable going off of the chemotherapy- which will probably mean a few more MRIs in our future to monitor any potential cancer growth.

To be honest, I feel very at ease with our decision. I've had time to really think about all of our options, and I think my heart has been pretty LOUD in this decision making process. Sure, I still hear my head from time to time bring the anxiety and fear back into the process- what IF the cancer returns- but I told my head that IF the cancer returns, then I will assume it was going to return regardless if we took a break from the chemotherapy or not. When someone's life is measured in months with a cancer diagnosis, weeks matter- so why give them 2 horrible weeks on a treatment that we aren't sure is doing any good at this point? 

Dad will still continue on the Avastin treatment- it's an IV treatment done every 2 weeks- as it leaves very little side effects (except for increased blood pressure). And he plans to start physical therapy soon, as the impacts of the surgery and radiation are causing some weakness in his legs and arms. 

Yesterday I called Dad on my way home from work just to say hi, and he sounded SO good. He sounded as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He sounded like my old Dad again.

The anxiety, stress, and fear that consumes my body on a daily basis when I think of Dad's cancer was quickly taken away when I heard him talking- it was in that moment that I knew the decision we made was the perfect decision for Dad. It was in that moment that I realized I would rather have just SOME days like this then have months of him being miserable. 

To say that we love and appreciate the thoughts, prayers, kind words and support we've received over the last (almost!) 3 years would be an understatement, as I can't truly share how blessed we really are with amazing friends and family.

Some days aren't easy, some decisions in this process are tough, but I'm so happy that in the battle with our heads and our hearts, we went with our hearts. 

Thank you all for the continued thoughts and prayers, and thank you all for helping us BTHO Brain Cancer!