Coming off of Dad's appointment on Monday, the entire family was full of smiles. It was an unusual feeling, a small sense of relief (at least for the time being) since October. Although I was quickly brought back down to reality when a friend gave me the news that his mom's lung cancer had returned in her spine. My heart sank.
It doesn't feel fair. To me it's not fair that God chose my Dad and my family for our journey, and it doesn't seem fair that God chose my friend, his family and his mom for their journey. It may not be "fair", but I know that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. And thankfully on this journey my family has not been alone, and I know his family will not be alone either. I have been so blessed for this journey to be filled with so many people praying for my Dad, that I ask for those on my journey to continue to pray for Dad and my friend's Mom. I wear my Dad's bracelet every day, and every day I'm reminded that "No One Fights Alone." We are all in this together. During Dad's treatment and day to day, we could feel the power of prayer- and my friend's family needs to feel the power of prayer more than ever.
Our journey in life isn't fair- it's filled with extremely difficult moments, where we hit our lowest of lows but also experience our highest of highs. But life is all about maneuvering through these times, appreciating the lowest of lows, and never taking for granted the highest of highs.
Last night I sat and watched tv with Dad and realized this was the first time in a long I wasn't stressed and thinking too far into the future, or extremely concerned about his next scan (which is only 8 weeks away). I realized I was finally living in the present, and it felt good.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Dad Update 1/28/2014: Remission
Remission. A word I wasn't expecting to hear yesterday at my Dad's MRI appointment. Remission.
To say I'm overwhelmed with joy to hear the news that Dad's MRI looked great, with no signs of residual tumor, is a complete understatement. I'm on cloud 9. I went into the appointment expecting to hear the worst, but hoping for the best- and of course Mom kept telling me, "It will be good, I just know it." Her faith still impresses me daily.
But to also say that this journey is done is far from the truth, as the road ahead is still very long. The MRI's will not end, nor will the maintenance chemo pills Dad will need to take for a good while longer- maybe even the rest of his life.
The type of brain cancer Dad is fighting is extremely aggressive and, I've always heard, it's not a matter of if it will come back- but a matter of when. I'm praying for Dad to be the exception.
Dad was told yesterday that he will no longer need to attend speech therapy weekly- which is great news, as Dad has come so far! We are now working with another speech therapist to do more of his therapy via apps on an iPad. This is a HUGE learning curve for Dad- as we all know, he isn't much into technology. But, if this means less trips to College Station and more independence for him, he is ALL for it.
Dad will start the chemo maintenance pills this week and in another 8 weeks will have another MRI. We all keep praying the chemo continues to work and Dad's speech continues to get better each and every day.
I know I've said this many times in other posts, but our family has been so extremely blessed throughout this entire process. We have been blessed with a close knit family, who have gone out of their way to pray, help take Dad to treatment, provide a meal, or just visit Dad during the week. I could not imagine not having my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents with us on this journey. They have been the shoulder to lean on when times were extremely difficult and the ones we called with good news. We have also been blessed with an amazing support system of friends. Many of my friends have caught me at my lowest of lows- especially hearing news of the tumor and the type of tumor- and have also been there with me as I've celebrated huge milestones in Dad's fight. And we have also been blessed with an extremely understanding work environment for Dad. His co-workers have gone above and beyond to provide meals and just be understanding of Dad's condition and ability to not return to work at this time.
The journey ahead is still long and filled with many unknowns, but with continued prayers and thoughts I know Dad can continue to improve! Thank you again for all of your support and prayers during this time for me and my family- we have truly felt the love!
To say I'm overwhelmed with joy to hear the news that Dad's MRI looked great, with no signs of residual tumor, is a complete understatement. I'm on cloud 9. I went into the appointment expecting to hear the worst, but hoping for the best- and of course Mom kept telling me, "It will be good, I just know it." Her faith still impresses me daily.
But to also say that this journey is done is far from the truth, as the road ahead is still very long. The MRI's will not end, nor will the maintenance chemo pills Dad will need to take for a good while longer- maybe even the rest of his life.
The type of brain cancer Dad is fighting is extremely aggressive and, I've always heard, it's not a matter of if it will come back- but a matter of when. I'm praying for Dad to be the exception.
Dad was told yesterday that he will no longer need to attend speech therapy weekly- which is great news, as Dad has come so far! We are now working with another speech therapist to do more of his therapy via apps on an iPad. This is a HUGE learning curve for Dad- as we all know, he isn't much into technology. But, if this means less trips to College Station and more independence for him, he is ALL for it.
Dad will start the chemo maintenance pills this week and in another 8 weeks will have another MRI. We all keep praying the chemo continues to work and Dad's speech continues to get better each and every day.
I know I've said this many times in other posts, but our family has been so extremely blessed throughout this entire process. We have been blessed with a close knit family, who have gone out of their way to pray, help take Dad to treatment, provide a meal, or just visit Dad during the week. I could not imagine not having my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents with us on this journey. They have been the shoulder to lean on when times were extremely difficult and the ones we called with good news. We have also been blessed with an amazing support system of friends. Many of my friends have caught me at my lowest of lows- especially hearing news of the tumor and the type of tumor- and have also been there with me as I've celebrated huge milestones in Dad's fight. And we have also been blessed with an extremely understanding work environment for Dad. His co-workers have gone above and beyond to provide meals and just be understanding of Dad's condition and ability to not return to work at this time.
The journey ahead is still long and filled with many unknowns, but with continued prayers and thoughts I know Dad can continue to improve! Thank you again for all of your support and prayers during this time for me and my family- we have truly felt the love!
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Another Week- Dad Update 1/19/2014
Another week at home and I can see so much progress with Dad, even if he can't. His speech and physical strength is getting better and everyday I feel like we are getting closer to Dad being back to his old self. His last appointment with the Neurosurgeon went well and his anti-seizure medication was reduced, which is a huge blessing as this medication always made him tired and just out of it. The Neurosurgeon was pleased with dad's progress and reminded dad that any surgery takes time to heal, especially brain surgery! I think Dad needs to hear it from the doctor's mouth sometimes instead of mine- but I don't blame him, I literally know nothing about the medical world!
Dad is being his usual self- worried about work, insurance, bills, etc. But good thing he paid for a great education for his accountant daughter! We have been so blessed with his work being understanding and great insurance! A huge financial burden would only add more stress to the situation, and I think we have enough stress.
I don't think I say it enough that my parents are my rock. There is no way I would be as strong as I am, or able to talk so freely about the situation without them. There are times when I break down and cry and think about the future- but I realized when you're depressed you're living in the past, when you're anxious you're living in the future, but when you're doing ok, you're living in the present. And right now, the present seems pretty good!
I honestly can not praise this devotional I read daily- "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young enough.
"Learn to trust me when things go 'wrong'...Trusting acceptance of trails brings blessings that far outweigh them all... Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep...Together we can make it!"
Leaning on my faith and my parents seems to help the fear and the anxiety, and I wonder daily how people without faith and a support system make it through challenging times like these. Praying for continued strength and progress with Dad. Thanks for all the kind words and prayers- words can not tell you all how much we appreciate it!
Dad is being his usual self- worried about work, insurance, bills, etc. But good thing he paid for a great education for his accountant daughter! We have been so blessed with his work being understanding and great insurance! A huge financial burden would only add more stress to the situation, and I think we have enough stress.
I don't think I say it enough that my parents are my rock. There is no way I would be as strong as I am, or able to talk so freely about the situation without them. There are times when I break down and cry and think about the future- but I realized when you're depressed you're living in the past, when you're anxious you're living in the future, but when you're doing ok, you're living in the present. And right now, the present seems pretty good!
I honestly can not praise this devotional I read daily- "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young enough.
"Learn to trust me when things go 'wrong'...Trusting acceptance of trails brings blessings that far outweigh them all... Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep...Together we can make it!"
Leaning on my faith and my parents seems to help the fear and the anxiety, and I wonder daily how people without faith and a support system make it through challenging times like these. Praying for continued strength and progress with Dad. Thanks for all the kind words and prayers- words can not tell you all how much we appreciate it!
Thursday, January 9, 2014
My Dad: The Exception
With Dad's upcoming MRI approaching, and the day where we find out if the tumor has come back around the corner, I'm faced with constant anxiety and fear. I drive to College Station every day for work (45 minutes there, 45 minutes back) and those drives give me a lot of time to think...maybe too much time. I keep thinking of the statistics, I keep thinking about the chances of the tumor returning...but at the end of the day, I've decided that I'm refusing to accept those statistics. Because you see my Dad, my Dad is the exception.
My Dad started as the exception on his first day on earth- 8/18/1954. My Grandma tells this story- the story of the birth of her baby boy- a story that almost ended with sadness. During the birth of my Dad, something went wrong and the doctor told my Grandpa that he was going to save the mother, but not the baby. It was almost unheard of for a baby to survive something like that in the 1950's, although Dad was born happy and healthy- and my Grandma is here to still tell that story. Statistics show my Dad shouldn't have made it past day 1 on Earth, but clearly he was the exception to that statistic- and he's been the exception many times after...
On Saturday, October 5th Dad suffered a seizure in our kitchen. After a couple of scans and a visit with a Neurologist, we were sent home without any anti-seizure medication. For 4 days I slept on the couch, for 4 days Dad had different moments where he told us he didn't feel right, and for 4 days he did not have another seizure. Why did the tumor cause one and only one seizure? Shouldn't Dad have had another seizure? Or was he once again the exception...
The MRI results came back on October 10th- a brain tumor. We met with the surgeon the following day (Friday) and Dad had another MRI the following week to perform mapping of the tumor for the surgery. Between the time of the first MRI and the second MRI, Dad had developed a large blood clot. A very large blood clot. So large, the doctor initially thought he was removing the tumor, although it was just the blood clot. A blood clot the same size as the tumor. Why didn't the blood clot cause a stroke prior to the surgery? Was Dad again the exception...
After the surgery on October 16th, Dad was in recovery in ICU. We were able to talk with him and he was fully aware and awake- it was such a relief! Although a few moments after Dad talked with the doctor, physical therapy came in to start working with him. The amazing ICU nurse noticed something different with Dad on the right side of his body- something that didn't look right. She immediately called the doctor and another scan was performed, which indicated that Dad was bleeding where the tumor was removed. After a terrifying couple of hours, the surgeon insured us that the bleeding had stopped, although a drain was put in to monitor any additional bleeding. Why did physical therapy come in so soon after his surgery to move him around for the nurse to notice the weakness? Was Dad again the exception...
There are so many "rules" in the medical world, rules that don't seem to apply to Dad. Like I told Mom after a long night with Dad still in ICU- "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
The road to recovery is long- extremely long. With the scan fast approaching, and our fear and anxiety at the forefront of our emotions, I can't help but tell myself that MY Dad is the exception.
I'm not sure what the results will show at the end of the month and I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle hearing them- but as a Glioblastomia survivor stated: "God will have the final say in how long each one of us lives… and He does not wear a white coat or a green mask."
With only one day of week dedicated to speech therapy (moved from 3 times a week!), Dad is getting back to his old self- working on getting income tax information together and doing things around the house. We are so blessed for our exceptional Dad and Mom- who are truly the rocks of our family.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers- and keep them coming!
My Dad started as the exception on his first day on earth- 8/18/1954. My Grandma tells this story- the story of the birth of her baby boy- a story that almost ended with sadness. During the birth of my Dad, something went wrong and the doctor told my Grandpa that he was going to save the mother, but not the baby. It was almost unheard of for a baby to survive something like that in the 1950's, although Dad was born happy and healthy- and my Grandma is here to still tell that story. Statistics show my Dad shouldn't have made it past day 1 on Earth, but clearly he was the exception to that statistic- and he's been the exception many times after...
On Saturday, October 5th Dad suffered a seizure in our kitchen. After a couple of scans and a visit with a Neurologist, we were sent home without any anti-seizure medication. For 4 days I slept on the couch, for 4 days Dad had different moments where he told us he didn't feel right, and for 4 days he did not have another seizure. Why did the tumor cause one and only one seizure? Shouldn't Dad have had another seizure? Or was he once again the exception...
The MRI results came back on October 10th- a brain tumor. We met with the surgeon the following day (Friday) and Dad had another MRI the following week to perform mapping of the tumor for the surgery. Between the time of the first MRI and the second MRI, Dad had developed a large blood clot. A very large blood clot. So large, the doctor initially thought he was removing the tumor, although it was just the blood clot. A blood clot the same size as the tumor. Why didn't the blood clot cause a stroke prior to the surgery? Was Dad again the exception...
After the surgery on October 16th, Dad was in recovery in ICU. We were able to talk with him and he was fully aware and awake- it was such a relief! Although a few moments after Dad talked with the doctor, physical therapy came in to start working with him. The amazing ICU nurse noticed something different with Dad on the right side of his body- something that didn't look right. She immediately called the doctor and another scan was performed, which indicated that Dad was bleeding where the tumor was removed. After a terrifying couple of hours, the surgeon insured us that the bleeding had stopped, although a drain was put in to monitor any additional bleeding. Why did physical therapy come in so soon after his surgery to move him around for the nurse to notice the weakness? Was Dad again the exception...
There are so many "rules" in the medical world, rules that don't seem to apply to Dad. Like I told Mom after a long night with Dad still in ICU- "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
The road to recovery is long- extremely long. With the scan fast approaching, and our fear and anxiety at the forefront of our emotions, I can't help but tell myself that MY Dad is the exception.
I'm not sure what the results will show at the end of the month and I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle hearing them- but as a Glioblastomia survivor stated: "God will have the final say in how long each one of us lives… and He does not wear a white coat or a green mask."
With only one day of week dedicated to speech therapy (moved from 3 times a week!), Dad is getting back to his old self- working on getting income tax information together and doing things around the house. We are so blessed for our exceptional Dad and Mom- who are truly the rocks of our family.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers- and keep them coming!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Post Holiday Update
The holidays have come and gone and I'm still in shock that it is already 2014! Treatments finished on December 20th, and I can't tell you how happy I was that day- greatest present I received all during the holiday season. The treatments ended, although the side effects of the radiation and chemotherapy did not. Dad is still struggling with being very tired and not having much of an appetite. We are hoping that each day out of the treatment is one day closer to him feeling like himself again.
The holidays seemed a bit surreal, as I realized that we were so busy going and doing that I didn't have much time to sit and think- think about the situation with Dad. Sometimes we go go go so much, that we don't have time to sit and worry about the future- which is nice. Although, it's back to work and back to reality, with Dad's follow up scan right around the corner. To say I'm not nervous, anxious or terrified of these results would be a complete lie- as I struggle daily to decided if I will attend the appointment where we find out the results. It's a difficult decision, as I want to be there with my family when we find out our next steps, although I'm terrified of hearing bad news.
I came to work today to find my office the same as I left it, my ivy is still alive (shocking) and my quotes/verses I have on my computer monitor still there. I guess after being gone for almost 2 weeks (love my job), you forget the little reminders you have for yourself, little quotes/verses I put up to help me get through this difficult situation.
-"A life of praise and thankfulness becomes a life filled with miracles."
-"That was the day she made herself promise to live more from intention and less from habit."
-"They do not fear bad news, they confidently trust the Lord to care for them."
Three quotes/verses, which may not mean much to some people, but for me, it was exactly what I needed to see this morning.
I'm still blown away daily with Mom and Dad's strength and determination. Mom read my blog and told me that I give her too much credit, when I just told her that I don't give her enough. Her and Dad keep me going daily, keep me with a smile on my face and the strength to continue on. This journey has been extremely difficult, and I am beyond blessed to have a strong faith, amazing family and some pretty unbelievable friends.
Here's to 2014: Because bad things can't stop us from making our lives good!
The holidays seemed a bit surreal, as I realized that we were so busy going and doing that I didn't have much time to sit and think- think about the situation with Dad. Sometimes we go go go so much, that we don't have time to sit and worry about the future- which is nice. Although, it's back to work and back to reality, with Dad's follow up scan right around the corner. To say I'm not nervous, anxious or terrified of these results would be a complete lie- as I struggle daily to decided if I will attend the appointment where we find out the results. It's a difficult decision, as I want to be there with my family when we find out our next steps, although I'm terrified of hearing bad news.
I came to work today to find my office the same as I left it, my ivy is still alive (shocking) and my quotes/verses I have on my computer monitor still there. I guess after being gone for almost 2 weeks (love my job), you forget the little reminders you have for yourself, little quotes/verses I put up to help me get through this difficult situation.
-"A life of praise and thankfulness becomes a life filled with miracles."
-"That was the day she made herself promise to live more from intention and less from habit."
-"They do not fear bad news, they confidently trust the Lord to care for them."
Three quotes/verses, which may not mean much to some people, but for me, it was exactly what I needed to see this morning.
I'm still blown away daily with Mom and Dad's strength and determination. Mom read my blog and told me that I give her too much credit, when I just told her that I don't give her enough. Her and Dad keep me going daily, keep me with a smile on my face and the strength to continue on. This journey has been extremely difficult, and I am beyond blessed to have a strong faith, amazing family and some pretty unbelievable friends.
Here's to 2014: Because bad things can't stop us from making our lives good!
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