It's difficult for me to explain everything that goes into caring for a loved one that has cancer, especially one you live with. I can't explain the constant care, love and worry you have for that person, or the constant paperwork, bills, and insurance issues you also have to deal with. It's something that can't be explained, nor can anyone truly understand until they too have gone through a similar experience. There are many people who may not truly understand our day to day battle and fight against cancer, but these people attempt to make any stressful moment disappear and be there for us when we need it most. For that- I truly thank you. And then there are some people who struggle to understand and question how others could be so understanding towards us, understanding in a sense that gives us an "advantage" to day to day tasks- to those people, I pray for you. I pray that you never have to experience some of the pain, stress and worry that my family and I feel daily. But I also pray that if you do, others are kinder and more understanding to you than you've been to us.
We've been so blessed with understanding people, and the non-understanding people have helped me to appreciate these people even more. Every 6 months I go in for my normal teeth cleaning, and today marked my 6 month date. 6 months ago Dad was just diagnosed with cancer, 6 months ago I went into my appointment tired, emotionally stressed and worried about the future. Today's appointment was a little different, I'm still tired, emotionally stressed and worried about the future- but filled with a bit more hope than before, and a bit more understanding for our journey. As my dental hygienist walked me out she mentioned how strong I am throughout all of this, how strong I'm being for my Dad. I responded and told her I wasn't sure about all that, but I do know that God thought my family and I were strong enough for this journey- and he's never wrong.
Dad starts another round of chemo and Avastin treatment next week, and another MRI. These last few days Dad has not had too many headaches and has been feeling good- and for that we are so blessed! It's one day at a time, sometimes 1 hour at a time, and other times 5 minutes at a time. Today is a good day, Monday started a good week- so I'm not sure what else there is to complain about!
I've become a big advocate of paying it forward- something that I feel like I owe to others since so many have done for me. We've been so blessed with continued love and support these last 6 months- love and support that goes far from unnoticed. I honestly realize it even more when I'm faced with a difficult person in this journey- I think it's God's way of reminding me how truly blessed I am with friends and family who seem to understand. I think it's God's way of helping me see that through all the bad, I'm blessed with so many amazing people around me.
I continue to pray each night for Dad to feel better and fight on. We will never stop fighting for a cure and I continue to fight for a day where no 26 year old has to experience the pain, anxiety and fear that I have every day.
As horrible as cancer is, it's given me a gift: time. Regardless of Dad's fight, regardless if his fight is 6 more months or 10 more years- I've been given quality time with him. I've been given time to share laughter, love and tears- time. Precious time that maybe I wouldn't have otherwise noticed or appreciated- time to express my love and gratitude towards him.
"Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around in it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us, there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know."
Life is short, life is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows- but life is also filled with little moments, little moments that will become big moments- just don't let life go by so fast that you miss out on them.
Keep praying, we will keep fighting, and Dad will BTHO Brain Cancer!
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